


The One That Got Away

by Windstorms



Series: The One That Got Away [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Fullmetal Alchemist (2003), Post-Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-01-23 02:46:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18540718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windstorms/pseuds/Windstorms
Summary: The Gate is still open on both sides, and some mutual one-sided feelings are emerging.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place about one month after the timeline of the movie, under the assumption that the brothers think they have taken care of the bomb but have not yet found a way to close the gateway.
> 
> This is a re-posting of an old work.

Edward was standing at the window in the general's office, looking out over the view of Central in a somewhat bored and irritated way. His commanding officer was seated at his desk, reading over Ed’s latest report and taking his sweet time about it.

After what seemed like an eternity, Roy cleared his throat. Ed took it as a sign that he was finally done reading. “Can I go now?”

“There’s more to life than this you know,” Roy said suddenly, simply ignoring his request to leave.

“More than what?” Ed turned his head slightly to look at the older man.

Mustang gestured to the report with a grimace. “Fighting anyone that stands in your path. Blowing buildings up if you don’t like the look of them. Searching for long lost legends. Clawing after nothing. Running from everything. Aren’t you tired of running, Fullmetal?” Roy asked, sounding genuinely concerned for once.

“What else is there?” Ed asked.

“I can show you,” Roy husked softly. It sounded inviting as hell and Ed jumped a little. Had Mustang always sounded like that?

Roy pushed aside his paperwork, stood and walked away from his desk to stand directly behind Ed at the window. Ed worked his throat but his mouth was suddenly too dry to actually speak. Roy pressed his body closer and placed his hands on the glass to each side of Ed’s head, effectively pinning him in place.

Roy leaned down to whisper by his ear, “What is it that you want?”

Ed felt Roy’s breath on the side of his face as he spoke and suddenly he was feeling very warm. Roy dropped his hands from the window to slowly roam them over Ed’s sides, then his spine, and finally his waist. It was all happening too fast, was this normal? Ed tossed his head and shuddered. “I -” his voice came out dry and cracked and it failed him completely before he could utter more than one word.

“Do you want this, Fullmetal?” Roy’s breath was hot in his ear and his hands moving over his body were so warm. Ed was thinking that now was definitely not the time to be calling him by his title, but he was too dazed by Mustang’s touches to say anything about it. Ed licked his lips and reached his hand back and tugged at the braiding in Roy’s uniform to pull him even nearer. He moved his body back against Roy’s and it felt so good he had to stifle a groan.

“Tell me what you want,” Roy demanded.

“This. More. Now,” Ed bit out. It wasn’t very eloquent, but it was enough.

Roy gripped him by the arms and turned him around so they were facing each other, then firmly pushed Ed back up against the window. Roy leaned in until their faces were only inches apart. Ed closed his eyes and waited. A whisper soft touch brushed his lips as Roy lowered his mouth over his own. He slid his lips against Roy’s and forgot about even trying to breathe. Eventually Roy sucked at his lower lip, and then licked. Ed got the message and opened his mouth eagerly. Roy expertly explored his mouth and Ed did his best to keep up. It was a slow battle between their lips, tongues and teeth and Ed was happily losing it.

With that one kiss Ed was drowning, his senses completely overloaded in a sea of sensations he’d never quite experienced before, that was all there was to it. When they broke apart Roy smiled softly at him, then lowered his head to trail kisses down his jaw. “Do that more,” Ed gasped and arched his hips towards Roy’s. Roy made a deep, guttural sound and began rocking against him in an agonizingly slow rhythm.

Ed opened his eyes with a start and realized with a sinking sensation that he was in his bedroom in Munich instead of a certain bastard’s arms in Central. Closing his eyes again, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. That had been one hell of a dream, and he had woken with a slight throbbing in his groin because of it. He wondered sleepily if anyone else was up yet and if he could get to the bathroom to take care of it without running into someone in the hall.

He cracked his eyes open, squinting at the offending sunlight just beginning to filter through the window. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. When he could see properly, he started to sit up and nearly fell off the bed in shock. Noah was standing only a couple of feet away from the bed. She was eerily still, but her hand was outstretched towards him and she was watching him with an unfathomable expression.

He nearly jumped out of his skin from the jolt of seeing her by his bed. He snatched at the sheets and pulled them more loosely around his waist. His mind spun desperately in his sleep fogged state. What the hell was she doing in here while he was asleep? Had she noticed his erection? Had she just touched him and seen what he was dreaming about?

_Please don’t let her have seen that dream - please._

“Who is he?” Noah asked softly.

Fear gripped him and he clutched at the sheets like they could shield him. She had used her abilities to see his dreams again and this time she had seen  _Mustang_  instead of alchemy. “I told you never to do that to me again,” his voice came out a low, warning hiss.

Noah flinched and pulled back her hand as if struck. “I didn’t mean to,” she declared. “You were calling out.”

A chill ran up his spine and he panicked further, wondering what he had been saying while asleep. Was it a series of pleasured words or a name? What did he call the bastard in his sleep? Colonel? General? Mustang? Fucking hell, Roy?

“You… and that man?” Noah whispered, sounding broken and confused.

He forced himself to meet her eyes, and saw shock and revulsion reflected back at him. Anger sparked in him instantly. He welcomed it if only so he didn’t have to think about what she had seen. His dreams were  _his_. “You don’t have the right to judge me. Your own morals are rather questionable.”

Noah didn’t reply, she only continued to stare at him as if she didn’t even know him. Ed glared right back at her. At that moment he didn’t care what she thought of him. His mind was screaming that she had taken the last little bit of home he had left.

Their stare-off was interrupted by Al all but bouncing his way into the bedroom. “Good, you’re both already awake. I made breakfast,” Al said brightly.

Al’s presence reminded him quickly of the problem he was still trying to cover up with the sheets.  _This is just perfect_ , Ed thought to himself. He had a freaking parade coming into his room. Maybe Al should run back downstairs and fetch Gracia or Hughes to come get a look at his morning wood too. Then his humiliation would be complete.

He arranged the blankets again, trying to make it look like a casual action instead of an effort to conceal himself. He desperately wondered if he could hop out of bed and sprint across the hallway to the bathroom without Al noticing the nature of his predicament.

No one said anything for a too-long moment. Ed fidgeted with the bedding and Noah continued to stare at him flatly. Al looked from Ed to Noah uncertainly, and as he picked up on the tension between them his expression darkened.

“Are you okay?” Al’s concern was directed only at him.

“I’m fine Al,” Ed said automatically. His throat was tightening and he thought he might be sick. His mind had been violated. Noah had offhandedly rifled through his own private thoughts again and she’d seen – he fisted his hands in the sheets and risked another glance at her. It was like being back in front of the Gate’s prying eyes, but he didn’t live with the Gate or have to face it on a daily basis. This was worse.

Noah broke eye contact instantly and lowered her head. Al frowned at her and turned his attention to his brother. Ed could sense the distress and protectiveness the younger boy felt without a word being shared between them.

This was too much. Without another word, he jumped out of bed, keeping a firm grip on the sheet wrapped around his waist. He darted past Noah and his brother and the sheet came undone from the bedding, half of it trailing along the floor behind him as he fled his room.

Somehow he made it across the hall and into the bathroom without becoming tangled in the sheet and tripping over his automail in the rush. Before he could shut the door behind himself he heard Al speaking from his bedroom, voice slightly raised and demanding, “Is there something going on between you and my brother?”

Noah’s reply was so soft Ed couldn’t distinguish all of it, but what he did hear made him want to slam his fist into the wall. “I’m not the one your brother wants.”

“I know that much,” Al snapped, and Ed was surprised at the sudden fierceness of his brother’s tone. “What did you do to him?”

Ed didn’t want to overhear anymore. He closed the door and turned the lock. It was a useless gesture. He had no more privacy in this place than he’d had when sleeping in a room with his brother trapped in a suit of armor that never slept, always alert to any movement Ed made.

He released the sheet and it fell to the floor with a soft swish to pool around his feet. Stepping over the pile of fabric he crossed to the sink, gripping the edges of the basin with both hands. He lowered his head for a moment and took a few steadying breaths.

He didn’t think Al had noticed, and he was relieved. The last thing he ever wanted was for his little brother to see him like that. But Al wasn’t the problem. Al would never be a problem in his life. He was profoundly grateful to have his brother with him again. He felt horrible he was here at the same time, but sometimes it was the only thing that made being stuck here bearable. The problem was Noah. She knew – he wasn’t even sure exactly how her gift worked or what she saw when she touched people. After this morning he’d never be able to bring himself to ask.

He was clad only in a pair of boxers, but his earlier problem was long gone. He had no more thoughts of taking care of it or even of washing up for the day. He needed to think. He moved to the toilet seat and sat down heavily, gazing at the shower curtain lining the tub next to him without really seeing it.

He rubbed the side of his face tiredly. When Noah first touched his hand and saw Al in the armor it had made him feel a real connection to someone on this side for the first time. He was lost and miserable then, and it had helped him so much to be able to talk about his brother and his home with someone that actually believed him. He’d had an idea that Noah might be interested in him, and he had briefly considered her an option when he came back to this world.

Then the dreams had begun. He’d had two kinds of dreams since his return to this world only a month before. Some nights he would dream he was standing before the Gate. The doors would swing open wide and the terrifying eyes would emerge. The Gate would consider him, weighing his every memory and every thought he’d ever had. Sometimes the hands would pull him inside and tear him apart piece by piece. Other times it would take his other leg or arm as payment for his brother’s passage here. He would always awaken panting, drenched in sweat and unable to go back to sleep for the rest of the night.

Then there were the dreams like he’d just had. They were a different kind of torture. They started off safe enough; usually Ed was back in Central in Mustang’s office. But somehow the dream always twisted and turned into something not so innocent. Ed glowered at the shower curtain. This was all the general’s fault somehow.

Fucking Mustang.

Ed scowled and tried to hold onto his anger but his heart just wasn’t in it. He was old enough now to finally understand some of the things Mustang had done for them. The Flame Alchemist had manipulated his every move from the moment Ed had joined the military. Ed used to think of it as a sign of mistrust, proof that his commanding officer thought of him as nothing more than a child.

As headstrong as Ed had been back then, he knew now it was the only way Mustang could have helped him at all. He wouldn’t have accepted an open offer of help from anyone but Al at the time, and sometimes he’d even shut his brother out.

He had eventually come to feel a grudging admiration for the general, and he knew that it was mutual.

How respect had slowly grown into some kind of attraction, Ed didn’t know. He decided this had to be the Gate’s idea of a joke somehow. It had returned Al’s memories when they came back here, but apparently it had also stuffed a few raging hormones into Ed for good measure.

Was he doomed to spend his entire life always wanting things he couldn’t have?

Ed had no delusions that the general felt anything for him other than the standard amount of concern he showed any of his subordinates. The older man was protective of the people that worked for him. It was an unusual but commendable quality in an officer, but there wasn’t anything more to it.

Roy Mustang was as close to perfection as anything Ed had ever seen, and even an eye patch couldn’t change that. Besides, Mustang’s reputation as a complete man-whore was near legendary. He had conquered the entire female population of East City before Ed was fifteen, and then moved on to Central. He’d probably dated all the ladies in Drachma by now.

Ed shrugged absently to himself. None of it mattered anyway. This was his home now. He’d struggled for two years to accept it. This longing wasn’t helping him face the reality of his situation or letting him help Al adjust to his new life.

But he couldn’t suppress the regret he felt that he’d never see Roy Mustang again. It pained him that he’d never have the chance to thank him for all that he’d done for them.

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. He hoped the man knew that Ed was grateful now without it ever being said.

He supposed since he was never going to cross paths with Mustang again the infatuation was more amusing than upsetting. Certainly the feeling would fade with time.

Ed rolled his eyes and got to his feet. The entire thing was completely ridiculous. Mustang may have always known what he would do before he did it, but even that bastard couldn’t have predicted Ed would be dreaming of him like this now. But his massive ego would get a kick out of it all the same.

Ed threw his head back and laughed.

*

Al got no answers out of Noah, so he waited until she excused herself and retreated to her own room. Then he sat on Ed’s bed and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. He didn’t feel bad for snapping at Noah. She was their friend and he did like her, but Ed was his brother and nothing would come before that. He wondered what exactly had happened. Ed was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but Al still wanted to keep anyone else from causing his brother pain.

He heard a sudden burst of laughter coming from the bathroom, sharp and out of place. Al shook his head. Whatever Noah had seen, Ed was going to torture himself.

He got off the bed and walked into the hall. “Brother?” he asked outside the bathroom door.

No answer.

Al knocked on the door somewhat hesitantly. Ed was still laughing, but he sounded breathless and a little out of control. “Brother, is everything okay?”

The laughter abruptly stopped, and he heard slight movement within the bathroom. Then Ed jerked the door open. “Everything is fine,” Ed said as he stooped to pick the sheet from his bed off the floor, draping it over his arm.

“I made you some breakfast,” Al reminded him, because he was sure Ed hadn’t registered the information the first time he’d told him.

“All right. I’ll get dressed and be right down,” Ed said and moved past Al towards his bedroom.

Al lingered in the hallway, still wanting to stay close to Ed in case Noah ventured out of her room. He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, wondering if the forthcoming conversation would go the easy way or the Ed way. He snorted derisively to himself. There was no question which it would be considering what had taken place.

Ed emerged from his room a few minutes later, fully clothed and his hair pulled back into its usual ponytail. He still appeared a little shaken. He blinked in mild surprise that Al had waited for him, and then grinned.

“Do I need an escort now?” he walked to the top of the stairs, and then started descending them two at a time.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Al inquired as he followed Ed down the stairs and through the house.

“I’m fine. Just losing my mind a little bit. It’s nothing a swift kick to the head wouldn’t fix,” Ed muttered.

“Maybe I’ll help you out with that part later,” Al returned.

They entered the kitchen and Ed went to sit at his place at the table while Al got them each a plate of eggs and sausage. The forgotten food was nearly completely cooled by now but he knew Ed would eat it anyway. He handed Ed his breakfast and settled himself in the chair across from him. He considered for a moment, and then pushed his plate in front of Ed as well. His own appetite was gone, and he had no inclination to save anything for Noah.

Ed glanced at him curiously, but then pulled the plate closer to himself like a wild animal guarding its meal all the same.

“What did Noah see?”

“Really don’t want to talk about it,” Ed said around a mouthful of eggs.

Al stood and went to get Ed a glass of juice. “Do you want her to leave? I’ll tell her if you want her to go.”

“No. She didn’t really mean to do it. I was talking in my sleep and she was trying to wake me, I guess. It’s not her fault. Besides, she doesn’t have anywhere else to go. She can stay here,” he sounded unhappy, but his mind was obviously made up. Ed stared down at his forkful of food thoughtfully, and then suddenly lifted his head and pinned Al with his gaze. “If she ever does – anything like that to you Al, you have to tell me. You have to.”

Al nodded as he handed the glass of juice to his brother, and then asked, “Is this about Winry?”

The elder Elric gave a sudden, involuntary choke of laughter. “I almost wish it was.”

Al furrowed his brow in confusion as he watched Ed clear everything on his plate. Without hesitating he then eagerly started in on Al’s breakfast. Al really didn’t understand what Ed was talking about, but that wasn’t exactly anything new.

“Were you dreaming about the Gate then? Is that what she saw?”

“No,” Ed said simply, and then took a deliberate, slow breath, like he was trying not to lose the last of his patience with him. Al decided to drop the subject for now. Ed would go on, acting like nothing at all had happened while he was around Al, and he would probably resort to behaving that way in front of Noah too after a time. But Al knew in the moments that Ed had alone he would go over and over it in his head until he did things like laugh uncontrollably in a bathroom for five minutes.

Al took the empty plate off the table and then went to get the used pans off of the stove. Ed went back to wolfing down his cold meal with vigor, grateful to be let off the hook. They spent the next few minutes in silence as Al washed up the dishes he’d dirtied making this disaster of a breakfast.

Al felt a little hurt that Ed wouldn’t confide this in him. When he had first gotten settled here they would spend each evening huddled together on the couch in the sitting room, sharing everything they had missed out on in each other’s lives in their two year separation. Ed had related what Noah had done to him before only a couple weeks ago, speaking halting and continuously looking around to make sure she stayed upstairs so she wouldn’t overhear their conversation. Al had gotten angry at the time, but Ed begged him not to hold it against Noah because she’d felt there had been no other choice.

This morning’s incident may have been unintentional, but Al was furious with Noah. If Ed wouldn’t even share it with him then it was something deeply personal. It must have been something to do with Winry considering what Noah had said about Ed not wanting her.

When he was done with the dishes, he dried his hands and turned in time to see Ed finishing the last of his juice. Al had been waiting for an opportunity to broach this subject. The circumstances weren’t ideal, but maybe after his dream of someone from home Ed would be willing to listen.

He walked over towards the table and Ed looked up expectantly. It was now or never. “We could still always go back through the Gate, brother. I’ve been thinking about it lately,” Al admitted, his voice taking on an edge of excitement as he talked. “Maybe we can find a way to close it after we go through, instead of breaking it down from this side and staying here. I know you want to see Winry and everyone else again. You won’t say it, because you think it will make me sad. But I know it and it’s ok, I miss them too.”

Ed’s face tightened and he went very still. Al was instantly sorry he’d said anything. There was a very fine line between making Ed see reason and feeding his guilt, and Ed did that well enough all on his own. When Ed finally spoke, his tone was very serious. “We can’t go back. Mustang closed the one on their side the second we were gone. We’ll find a way to close this one and that’ll be it. Trust me, Al. This particular situation would not be any less hopeless if we were back home right now.”

“Winry cares about you,” Al offered quietly. “She cried herself to sleep some nights while you were gone, I could hear her all the way down the hall.”

Ed narrowed his eyes and ducked his head, using his bangs to shield his face. Al berated himself for pushing too hard again. There was a long moment of silence, and when Ed looked up his expression was clear. “Ya know, I think your voice is finally starting to change.”

Al felt his cheeks heat with embarrassment. Why did his brother have to be so maddeningly frustrating about everything? “I’m almost as old as you are. In my mind, I’m seventeen. Stop trying to change the subject.”

“Ah, but technically you’re thirteen now,” Ed said teasingly, standing and walking across the room to put his empty dishes in the sink. The gentle mirth in Ed’s voice didn’t reach his eyes. It never did when their new age difference was mentioned.

Now that Al had all of his memories back, he easily recalled how impossible it was to get through to Ed when he was being especially obstinate. There was nothing to be done when Ed absolutely did not want to talk about something except patiently wait him out and be there for him when his defense mechanisms began to crack. Al would do that willingly for the rest of his life. That didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun while he waited to fulfill his brotherly responsibility.

“You only bring that up when it’s convenient for you,” Al fixed Ed with a weary stare, but as usual, it had no effect. “Fine. Have it your way. This thirteen year old is almost as tall as you are now. I suppose that means,” he stepped closer to Ed, went to his tiptoes and raised his hand several inches above his brother’s head. “When I  _am_  seventeen, I’ll be about this much taller than you.”

The resulting outburst was quite spectacular, really.

*

Roy gave one last look over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t being followed, and then slipped through the passageway. He had left a party being held in his honor while it was still in full swing, but he had something important to do.

The gaping hole left in the top of this buried city had been repaired by Armstrong soon after the invasion ended, so the only ways left into this place were limited. No one that knew how to get here meant to cause any harm. It was safe to be here, or he wouldn’t have put this task off for as long as he had.

He stepped cautiously around the rubble that all but covered this forsaken city now, sometimes slowing to climb over the larger boulders hindering his passage. Down and down he went. There really wasn’t anything like an actual path to follow, but it didn’t slow his progress. He knew where he was going. The abandoned city would have been plunged into total darkness if it wasn’t for the large portal overhead. Streams of light gently ebbed and flowed hypnotically over the surface of the portal. Its pale light bathed the ruins in a dim glow that was just enough to guide him.

“You missed a nice party,” he said to the empty night air as he walked. “You’re still not old enough to drink, of course. But you would have enjoyed mocking me while everyone else was celebrating. Havoc was so drunk he pinched Riza and Falman practically had to stop her from shooting him. I wish you’d been there to see it,” he said, a slight smile tugging at his lips. His expression sobered as the truth of that statement sunk in.

“I just wish you were here,” he said hoarsely, but there was no one there to hear the admission.

He stopped walking only when he got to the large area of cracked ground directly underneath the portal. There were a few beams and bricks scattered around but the walls and foundation had been completely blown away by the force of whatever happened here. It was impossible to tell what this building had once been. Maybe a large church, but it could’ve been something else entirely. There was no one left on this side of the portal that could tell him. There was a huge array beneath his feet, and though he’d never seen one like it he knew instinctively that it was Ed’s work.

“I shouldn’t have let you go off on your own. I should have been here. We should have taken them down together,” he said, staring fixedly at the array. Oddly enough, he was not thinking of how coordinating their attacks on the homunculi might have saved his own eye. Instead he thought only that it would have kept Edward and Alphonse in this world, where they belonged.

Edward Elric was good at leaving things behind. Roy knew this all too well. Before he’d even hit puberty Ed had left his innocence, his home, and his childhood behind him. Through the years Roy had watched him move forward with a fierce determination he couldn’t help but be in awe of. Ed was the only one that didn’t care about Roy’s rank or any military protocol and never let him forget it, and Roy admired him for that too. Ed had always been larger than life; a constant whirl of energy and purpose. He had lost so much too early on in his short life but he’d never given up, never given in to anyone or anything.

Before he’d disappeared the first time, Roy had started to see Ed as something more than a gifted alchemist and hot-headed kid. A bit alarmed at his own growing interest in a male subordinate that was scarcely sixteen, Roy had pushed the feelings aside. They both had important work to do, and Roy didn’t want to be in a position where he would feel like he was taking advantage of the younger alchemist. He’d told himself there would be time to sort all this out when Ed was older, if the young man could ever feel something other than barely contained hostility towards Roy.

And then Ed had vanished. The first time had been involuntary. The second time Roy had stood there on that platform with his stomach in his throat as Ed prepared to leave his beloved brother and everyone else that cared about him behind forever.

He should have stopped him from going back. If they had taken a moment to think it through properly they could have come up with another way to close both sides. Ed had always been a reckless, infuriating, noble idiot.

In the end, all Roy could do was send his younger brother after him. Because while it still clawed at his stomach that neither Elric was left here, the thought of Ed in a world without his brother by his side hurt worse than the knowledge that Roy would never get to see him again. Roy knew he should have said something, should have done something – anything differently.

But if Edward would willingly give up Alphonse, what chance did Roy really stand?

This portal had taken the Elric brothers away, but somehow he always found peace when he came here. He spent his days now jumping through hoops Parliament set before him. He was trying to live up to even half the undeserved devotion his staff still gave him. It was so exhausting he usually wanted to head back to that quiet little outpost in the snow at the end of the day.

Coming here and thinking in the stillness of this forgotten city always soothed him. It wasn’t the same as being isolated away from everyone for months at a time in the North. But being here gave him a little bit of that tranquility. It made him feel closer to Ed.

“I was promoted back to a colonel today,” he mused quietly. “Hero of the people for commendable actions during the invasion and all that nonsense. You would have loved it. Parliament almost voted to have me reinstated as a general, but General Hakuro gave an impassioned speech about my rumored transgressions against the Fuhrer that swayed a few votes his way in the end. I think Hakuro wants to see me hauled before a firing squad.”

His entire staff had been transferred back to him and he had an office at headquarters again. But it all felt hollow. He was trying to use Ed's strength as an example and move forward. He owed that much to his subordinates for their loyalty, but he didn’t have the ambitions he once had.

Instead he wished he’d had the courage to follow Ed onto that ship. He thought of it almost nightly now as he lay in his bed trying to will himself to sleep.

He could still try to go through the Gate, although he was certain the Elrics had long since closed the one on their side. And even if they hadn’t managed to close it, Roy had no idea how to go about finding them if he did go through. Where would that leave him if he tried it? Dead if there was no opposite portal to cross over through, and hopelessly lost and alone if there was?

“You’ve gone somewhere I can’t follow. I hope wherever you are you’ve found some happiness. You deserve it more than most,” he said softly to the one that couldn’t hear him, and never would now.

He had a job to do. Each time he came here he attempted this, but he always talked himself out of it. He’d put this off long enough. He reached into his jacket and pulled out his gloves. He tugged them on, his mouth drawn into a tight line.

He gazed up at the gateway again. He could almost pretend it was the color of Ed’s distinctive eyes. But no, the portal was giving off a vibrant yellow light, not the startling gold he wanted to see. He sighed deeply, closing his one good eye. He didn’t want his memory of the teen to fade with time. He wanted to keep him preserved in his mind forever exactly as he had been.

He raised his arm, fingers poised to snap. An image came to his mind of Ed at sixteen, standing before his desk snarling and all but spitting fire at him, a gentle soul housed in a suit of armor by his side. It was followed by the memory of how the boys had looked the last time he’d seen them. Al was back to normal and absolutely perfect. Ed was older, calmer, taller - although not much, even Roy had sense enough not to point that out, or more likely there simply hadn’t been time – and he had grown more stunning. The glaring black and red ensemble had been replaced with a wardrobe of softer whites and browns that only further accentuated his good looks. Ed would only howl obscenities at Roy for thinking of him that way, he’d probably never outgrow that behavior, but it was utterly true.

He’d always tried to lead those boys down the path they needed to take to accomplish their own goals. He’d tried to protect them when he could and worried nonstop when he couldn’t. He’d tried to mold Ed into the unstoppable force he’d always known he’d grow up to be, but Ed had gone off without him and accomplished that all on his own and was even better for it.

If there was even the slightest chance that they could still find their way back…

He couldn’t do it.

“Forgive me, Edward,” he said as he lowered his arm. “For never being as strong as you are.”

The portal pulsed on unchanged as Roy turned and walked off into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gate is still open on both sides, and some mutual one-sided feelings are emerging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about one month after the timeline of the movie, under the assumption that the brothers think they have taken care of the bomb but have not yet found a way to close the gateway.

Alphonse sat in a chair next to Ed’s bed, keeping watch over his older brother while he slept much the way he had each night all those years when he had needed no sleep.  So many endless nights he had watched him this way and wished he could sleep himself. Now that he could, sleep was the furthest thing from his mind.  

Beside him, Ed tossed and turned fitfully; his brow furrowed in pain even while asleep. All the time they had been searching for the Philosopher’s Stone and the time since, Al had never known exactly how much the automail still hurt his brother. Al shook his head thoughtfully. It wasn’t right that Ed still held so much back from him. 

Al fidgeted and glanced nervously out the window at the swirling snow. It was the second week of December, and they were finally having their first snowstorm of the season. It had been snowing for almost two entire days now and showed no signs of letting up anytime soon. The streets were blanketed in several inches of snow and the usually bustling city had been forced to a standstill. It would have been a peaceful sight if his brother wasn’t lying pale and drawn in the nearby bed. 

The drab apartment, drafty and never all that warm to begin with, was practically freezing now. Al and Noah had taken to wearing two layers of clothes, but Ed stayed cold no matter how many items of clothing or blankets he piled on.  

Ed outright refused to sleep more than a few hours each night, and Al was certain that wasn’t helping anything. He suspected Ed was wary of Noah seeing something again.  

Ed was becoming increasingly stubborn and, predictably, he was pushing himself too hard. He was working at the university library and he used most of his spare time trying to research ways to close the Gate.  His meager income was all they had; no one would employ Noah since she was an outsider, and Ed considered Al too young to let him look for work. They’d had several arguments over it, but Ed had won in the end. 

Decent food was quickly becoming a luxury they couldn’t afford. Ordinarily Ed could devour more in one sitting than three people combined and still be hungry afterwards, but lately he was restricting himself to eating just enough to get by.  

This entire situation was all wrong. His brother didn’t deserve this. Al frowned and kept both hands wrapped around his mug of hot chocolate to warm them. They’d literally been through hell together, and by all rights, things were supposed to be better now that all the fighting and searching was over with. Why was Ed so willing to give up and accept this harsh existence?  

Frustrated, he chased the thoughts away and lifted the mug to his lips.   

“What the-? I have got to stop waking up this way.” 

“Oh,” he glanced down at Ed and couldn’t hold back a grin at his irritation. “Good morning, brother. What way is that?” 

“People hanging out in my room watching me sleep.” Ed grumbled. He slowly sat up, rubbed at his eyes with his flesh hand, and yawned. 

“You didn’t get enough sleep,” Al chided. 

“How would you know that?” Ed squinted at him. 

“I woke up when you got home last night,” he glanced pointedly at the clock on the nightstand. “This morning, actually.” 

“Sorry,” Ed mumbled. 

“It’s all right. What were you doing out so late though?”  
  
"I lost track of time researching, that’s all.” 

“You need to get more rest.” 

“I don’t need rest. There’s too much to do.” He threw the covers off and scowled as the cold temperature of the room assaulted him. He went to his closet and threw open the door and started pulling out some clothes. 

“I’ll get you some coffee while you get dressed,” Al offered. 

He went downstairs and grabbed another mug, this time filling it with coffee and sugar. He skipped the milk, as always. He could hear Noah moving around in another part of the apartment, getting ready to go do whatever it was she did all day now that she avoided them as much as they did her. 

When he returned upstairs a few minutes later, Ed was almost finished dressing, sitting on the edge of his bed putting on his shoes.  

Leaning against the doorjamb, Al watched his brother carefully. Home five hours this time and he was already leaving again. It was a new record and one Al did not like at all. “Brother, I’ve been thinking,” he said slowly.  He knew Ed was not going to like this. It’d be best to get it out fast. Bluntness was usually the best strategy when dealing with Ed.  

Ed started buttoning up his vest and didn’t even pause to look at the younger Elric. “About what?” he asked.  

“I’ve decided to start looking for a way home. I really think there must be a way to close this Gate from the other side-”  

“Not this again,” Ed moaned and slammed his fist on the bed. “How do you think we’re going to do it? Fly? Do you expect me to steal a plane? Wait – maybe we can build a really big catapult and Noah can shoot us through it. I don’t know how we’d ever close it again, but hell. Who cares about that, right?”  

Al merely chewed his lip throughout Ed’s entire tirade. “I want to do this,” he said when Ed seemed to have finally finished.  

He made a noise somewhere between a growl and a sigh, then asked, “But why, Al?” 

He wanted to say it was because he owed that and so much more to him after everything Ed had done to get his body back, that he was his brother and their parents were dead and Ed was all he had left; that Ed meant everything to him. But being sentimental wouldn’t help anything. So instead he said, voice rising dangerously, “Because we don’t belong here!” He didn’t mean to yell at Ed, but he couldn’t help it. 

Ed glared at the wall somewhere over his head and wouldn’t look at him. “This is stupid. How many times do I have to tell you that General Bastard closed it already?” 

“We don’t know that. You won’t even try to find a way back. You never used to give up this easily on anything. I don’t know what happened to you.” He didn’t want to say these things but he couldn’t seem to stop. 

“You’re not being very realistic, Al. I was here for two years. I didn’t want to be, and you of all people know what it took to get out of here the first time,” Ed said softly. “If you really want to do this, go ahead. But don’t expect me to help.”  
   
The discussion apparently over, Ed got up and stiffly moved past him without another word.     

* 

An uncomfortable tension settled over the household for the next few days. One Elric was determined to find a way to break down the portal after crossing back to the other side, while the other was researching a way to destroy it and permanently seal their fates here. They didn’t argue about it again, but it hung unspoken between them whenever they were together. Both brothers pointedly ignored Noah.  

Ed spent most of his spare time holed up in the university library reading every book he could find on weaponry. It was slightly warmer there, and his ports ached considerably less than they did when he was outside or at the apartment. And if it let him avoid Noah a little more, that was just a convenient bonus.  

The university was closed today due to several more inches of snow covering the city overnight, so for now he was stuck in the apartment building. Ed placed a blank piece of paper in the book he was reading to mark his page and leaned back in his chair to stretch. His ports were steadily throbbing with a dull, constant ache. Grabbing his automail with his flesh hand, he gave his shoulder a firm tug and tried to realign the port somehow to make it more comfortable. It didn’t help the pain at all, but it amused him a little to think that Winry would have beaten him senseless for it. 

Thinking of Winry reminded him of what Al had said. Maybe she did care about him, although he couldn’t see it after all the wrenches she’d thrown at him every time she got within close proximity of him. She was attractive; he’d always known that. But he’d grown up with her and he loved her like a sister. He couldn’t see himself ever feeling anything for her beyond that. 

And then there was Noah… he realized it must be very lonely seeing personal things anytime she wanted to touch someone, however innocently or intimately. She couldn’t have a typical relationship with anyone anymore than he could. He couldn’t imagine anyone truly wanting him with his automail. In a way, they were both broken. Maybe that was why Noah had once been interested in him.  She obviously wasn’t anymore. He’d barely seen her in days, and they hadn’t spoken at all. 

Stifling a yawn, he fought to get his mind back on track. He thumbed the book open again and resumed poring over his text. Many of the weapons of this world were similar to the ones he was familiar with from home, but he had not come across anything that would so much as make a dent in the portal. 

It would have been so simple with alchemy. What he wouldn’t do to be able to use alchemy just once. One quick transmutation and the Gate would close permanently, the same way Mustang had taken care of the gateway on his own side. 

Ed flipped a page and swore under his breath. He was very definitely _not_ thinking of Roy Mustang. 

Except that he was. He had never really looked twice at anyone else before. He didn’t look at women that way, and he didn’t look at other men that way either. So what the hell was it about Roy Mustang, and why now? Ed often found himself wondering about him throughout the day. The more Ed tried not to think about the man, the more his traitorous thoughts strayed back to him. He was also dreaming about him more frequently.  He was sleeping as little as possible to avoid it, but any time he fell asleep he would have another enticing dream that left him lonely and frustrated when he awoke.  

He was a little curious why he never got to go much further than some foreplay in his dreams. If he was going to be stuck having these dreams, he should at least get to enjoy the good parts. He didn’t have any experience with what exactly the good parts were, but he knew the logistics. One couldn’t spend much time around Havoc and Breda without hearing some raunchy sex discussions.  
  
He'd never really thought about sex before he'd landed here, suddenly and quite hopelessly stuck in this foreign place, his quest over.  When would he have had the time?  He'd had a brother to restore and homunculi to fight and a Philosopher's Stone to find.    
  
He was a teenage boy though, growing up emotionally, if not physically as much as he'd have liked.  There had been a few nights during his journey that he had woken from a sound sleep, unable to recall most of a fleeting dream but his groin aching - but with no privacy to be had there had been nothing he could do about it.  

Ed shifted uncomfortably in his seat and sighed. Better to avoid sleep altogether.    

Usually lack of sleep made his mind sharper. He’d regularly come up with some of his most complicated arrays that way. But he was pushing the threshold from a clear, focused energy to exhaustion. 

He yanked impatiently at his automail shoulder again, but that only made it sting more. He jumped a little as Al’s voice interrupted his musings.  “Finding anything?” 

“Not unless we wanted to try shooting it to death.” At that, he was reminded of Lieutenant Hawkeye, and it was only a matter of seconds before his brain made the jump to General Mustang. Bad topic. Ed groaned and fought the urge to bang his head onto the table. 

“Are you-?” 

Al was having to ask him if he was okay a lot lately. Al was probably just as tired of hearing the mechanical reply ‘ _I’m fine’_ as he was of being asked. “Yes,” Ed interrupted. Then he added more softly, “I’m all right. Just kinda tired.” 

“You do look tired,” Al agreed. “I’ll probably be late getting home.” 

Ed couldn’t quite suppress the hope that suddenly flared in his chest. “Have you found something?” 

“No, not yet. Do you want to come with me?” 

“I have to go to the university."  
   
"It’s closed.”  

“The librarian ordered some more books for me that should be in today.” 

“Of course. I’m sure they’ll arrive right on time in a blizzard. You haven’t been to the factory in a week, brother."  
   
That wasn’t exactly true. Ed checked on the factory daily; he just didn’t often go inside. He went by each evening, checking the safeguards they’d set up around the perimeter to make sure no one else had entered the building. He would not risk anyone trying to go through the gateway to attack their homeland again.  He would move into the building and sleep on the floor directly under the damned Gate if he had to.  

Al knew all of that already. This was his way of trying to make up for their disagreement a few days before. Ed wasn’t mad at him, but he didn’t want to go to the factory either. He shook his head and said, “Maybe some other time.” 

Al nodded slightly, but the disappointment was obvious on his face. “Try to get some sleep today then.” 

After Al left for the day, Ed shifted his attention back to his book and forced his weary eyes to focus. The sooner he closed the Gate the sooner he would get over his stupid fascination with the Flame Alchemist. He had to or he was going to lose his mind. 

* 

Roy pulled off his uniform jacket, silently walking his way through his empty home. This house was too big for him now. For some reason, he had not sold it when he went to the North. He didn’t care enough to; he hadn’t cared about anything at all. He had simply packed a few belongings and retreated somewhere he wouldn’t have to feel anything. 

And now he was back here, and things in the military were falling back into place almost as if he'd never left Central in disgrace in the first place. He had a purpose again. The irony was not lost on him that the majority of it involved cleaning up one of Fullmetal’s messes. 

Riza said he was lonely, had suggested that maybe he should get a dog. The last thing Roy wanted was another life to be responsible for. He barely remembered to eat some days, and he spent most of his time at Headquarters or the city far beneath Central. Breda was considerably blunter with his recommendation: a girlfriend, or better yet several of them. Roy would have preferred a dog’s company; he had grown used to silence. Still, his staff seemed to think he needed companionship. 

Companionship. The only companion he found himself wanting was one he’d never had. 

Roy reached his room and didn’t flick on the light. The moonlight pouring in through the window lit the room in enough light he could make his way to the bed. He kicked off his boots and spread out on his bed without bothering to finish getting undressed.  
   
All evening long he hadn’t been able to stop imagining Ed before he’d gone back onto that damned ship, his eyes focused entirely on his younger brother and barely even sparing a glance or a passing thought for Roy. If Roy had let his feelings be known, at any point in the past really – would it have changed anything?   

Roy let out a frustrated sigh. He longed to know what it would have been like to touch Ed, to taste him, to hold him even once before he had been taken away all those years ago. It wouldn’t have made those years apart any easier; certainly it would have made the separation much worse. But it may have made all the difference in the world on the present.  

Roy turned onto his side, feeling restless. He could already tell there would be no sleep for him tonight. It was pointless, but he wanted to go back to the Gate. If he stayed here he'd have a night plagued by thoughts and dreams of more unfulfilled desire. At least in the hidden city he could think somewhat clearly. He rolled off the bed and quickly put his boots back on. He made his way back downstairs, still in the dark, and locked the house back up after himself. 

As he left his home in the dead of night he knew things could not keep going like this forever. It was irrational. He wasn’t sure why he was going to the abandoned city more and more often. 

Maybe it was payment for his failure. His own equivalent exchange to the Elrics.   

He’d failed Ed that night years ago when he lost his eye and Ed lost everything. And he had failed Al as well, who had trusted him to close the Gate behind them when he went after his brother. 

And now he was waiting on them when they had probably moved on with their lives. For now though, waiting was all he had. 

He had risked nearly everything on Ed many times. He had placed faith in his boundless devotion to his brother, in his alchemical skills, in his sheer inability to give up on anything he had set his mind to. 

The streets were deserted at this hour, naturally, and the drive gave him more time to question his own actions. He didn’t know how much longer he could afford to wait. The gateway would have to be broken down eventually. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and told himself he could do it when the time came. He would do it protect this world, and the one beyond the Gate.

*

Al came home late that evening to find Ed sprawled out on the couch. He was reading a book, but as Al stood in the hallway shaking the snow from his coat and boots he noticed Ed kept closing his eyes, then blinking them open rapidly, trying to stay awake. 

“Ed.” Usually using his actual name got some kind of response. Ed merely yawned and scrubbed at his eyes with his automail hand. Al made a face. He was going to poke an eye out at this rate. 

Al hung his coat up and left his boots by the door. “Ed,” he repeated as he walked over to the couch. 

“Hmm.” his older brother said disinterestedly. 

“You didn’t sleep any today did you?” Al asked accusingly. 

Ed scowled at him in an annoyed way and opened his mouth to reply, but ended up yawning again instead. 

Al sighed. “Let’s go,” he said, starting to pull Ed off the couch. 

“What? Go where? Stoppit, I’m not that tired,” Ed howled and slapped Al’s hands away. 

“You’re going to bed. Now. If you don’t get up I’m going to carry you myself.” 

Ed snorted back a laugh and waved his book at him with his automail hand. “You’re not armor anymore. You can’t pick me up and haul me around like a suitcase now.” 

He had a point. Unwilling to admit defeat, Al said, “Fine. I’ll get Noah to help me. You won’t mind if she touches you, right?”   

Al hadn’t seen Ed move that fast in a long time. He dropped the book on the couch and hurried upstairs so fast Al had trouble keeping up with him. He’d have to remember that threat for the next time Ed was being difficult, which would probably be in the morning.  

Once in his room, Ed threw himself on his bed face first and sighed contentedly into the pillow.  

“Are you at least going to take your shoes off and get in the bed?”  

“No. I’ve gotta go read some more in a minute. Just gonna rest here for a bit.”  

Al almost wanted to shake his brother.  Deliberately ignoring the protests that followed, Al tugged first one boot and sock off of a flesh foot, and then the others off of a metal one. He placed them neatly at the foot of the bed and straightened them.  

“All right, all right,” Ed conceded.  He got under the covers and reached a hand up to pull the hair tie from his hair, scowling the entire time. “You’re such a nag.”  

“And you act like you’re four,” Al observed. He turned to go, but Ed called after him. “What?”  

“Don’t come in here and watch me sleep tonight. It’s creepy.”  

Al snickered. “Don’t worry. I won’t.” He started to leave again.  

“Al.” 

Al ran a hand through his hair in frustration, but stopped and turned. “Yes?” 

Ed hesitated as if forcing his sleep fuzzy mind to think carefully. “Why do you want to find a way back home? Do you – do you regret coming here with me?” 

Something instantly softened in him at the ache in his brother’s voice. So that’s what all this had really been about the last few days. He padded back across the floor to stand beside the bed and reached over to grasp Ed’s flesh hand. “Don’t you ever, _ever_ think that. You and I are in this together. We only have each other, remember?” 

Ed gave him a slight smile and made a weak attempt to sit up, but Al pushed him back down effortlessly with his free hand. Ed scowled darkly at him at first, but then relented and shifted under the pile of blankets until he was more comfortable. 

“I mean it. Please don’t think things like that. When you were gone, I didn’t remember all the things we’d done together when we looking for the Philosopher’s Stone. Even not remembering those years – I had to find you. Everyone thought you were dead and I was crazy. But I always knew I would see you again.” 

“But you should be at home, Al. In Risembool with Winry and Auntie Pinako, going to school, living in a real house with people that can take care of you instead of some freezing apartment in a country that’s going to go to war.” 

Al swallowed hard against the sudden tightness in his throat. “You should be there too, and that is why I’m trying. It is worth researching it, but if it doesn’t work we will still be together and that’s all that really matters. My home is wherever you are, brother.”   

Ed nodded slowly and squeezed his hand. “Best little brother anyone ever had.”  

Al chuckled softly. “I know. Now get some sleep.”  

Ed nodded again, his eyes sliding closed before he could come up with a proper retort. Al waited for a couple minutes for him to doze off so he could be sure Ed wasn’t going to jump up the moment he left. Once his breathing evened out in sleep Al dragged another blanket up over Ed’s automail to try to keep him a little warmer.   

Before he left the room he quietly said, “I’m going to get you out of here whether you like it or not.”  

It was a promise he was going to keep.  

*  

He was seated on one of the couches in Mustang’s office. His commanding officer was scribbling away at a piece of paperwork and totally ignoring him.  

“We’ve tried everything. The Gate – I can’t. I don’t know how to close it,” Ed admitted. He glanced at Roy out of the corner of his eye. “Do you-?” He couldn’t even bring himself to form the rest of the question. He was not going to crawl before this man. 

Roy put down his pen and casually drummed his fingers on his desk but remained silent. He looked completely bored, and Ed was immediately insulted.  

“Are you even listening to me?” He jumped to his feet and began pacing the office angrily. 

“I was,” Roy drawled. “Until you started begging for my help. I’ve never actually heard you beg or ask for my help before.  I don’t think I like it.” 

Ed came to a halt and ground his teeth so hard he thought they might shatter. “I wasn’t _begging_ , you stupid bastard. I thought you might have an idea, that’s all.” He shrugged dejectedly. He had been trying to ask for help from the arrogant jerk. He must be more desperate than he thought.  

“Surely you must have figured it out by now,” Roy said coolly. Reclaiming his pen, he pillowed his cheek in one hand and began idly scrawling his signature across more papers with the other. 

“What the hell are you getting at?” 

“I thought you were a genius, Fullmetal.” 

Ed stalked towards the older man and slammed his hands down on the desktop, sending a few stacks of papers into disarray. “Don’t talk in riddles, damn it! Answer me!” 

Roy looked him in the eye then, his expression slowly spreading into a condescending smirk that Ed wanted to punch right off his face. Completely unperturbed that he had a furious alchemist leaning across his desk about to hit or strangle him, Roy finally asked, “Do you actually believe that you want to close it?” 

Ed jerked awake suddenly, yanking at the blankets and panting for air. He felt like he’d had to claw his way out of a nightmare. He peered into the darkness and tried to regulate his breathing. Alarmed and disoriented, it took him a few moments to recall the details of the dream.      

The panicked feeling gradually subsided as he realized he’d only been dreaming about Roy again, and it wasn’t even a sexual dream for once. He tried to pick apart what Mustang had said. “Always a bastard,” Ed muttered.  Obviously, the dream came from his own subconscious, but it was infuriating enough he was going to blame the man anyway.   

Of course he wanted to close the Gate.  

He kept telling himself that, but the general’s final words still echoed in his mind. He lay awake long into the night, thinking of Roy Mustang and home. 

* 

Roy swung around in his chair to face the windows behind his desk. The first snowfall of the winter had begun that morning; the overcast skies were an ominous, stormy grey that matched his current mood. He had spent most of the previous night at the portal; his third time this week. Roy was functioning off entirely too much coffee and almost no sleep. His entire morning had been tied up in useless meetings. When he’d finally returned to his office a short time ago he had found an insulting order from General Hakuro waiting for him on his desk. 

There was a brief knock on his door. “Enter,” Roy called irritably. 

The door opened and someone shuffled in, then closed the door behind themselves. “You needed to see me, Colonel?” Jean Havoc questioned. Ah. The subject of the truly offensive document. Roy wished he could put this off until he’d had at least a few more hours of sleep. That wasn’t likely to happen in his office with the way Hawkeye had been nagging him about being more productive to make a good impression on Parliament. She was right, as always, but he missed the way things used to be on many different levels. 

“Yes, Lieutenant.” Roy turned and briskly tapped the papers laid out before him. “An interesting request passed across my desk today.”

Havoc crossed the room to stand in front of the desk and waited silently. Roy’s definition of ‘interesting’ could mean any number of things and not all of them good. Roy felt it was excellent the man was cautious; it was what was necessary in order for this to work. 

“General Hakuro has requested you be transferred to his command,” Roy continued, watching Jean carefully to gauge his reaction. 

The Second Lieutenant’s eyes widened in surprise and his mouth dropped open. If he’d been smoking a cigarette at the time Roy’s desk would probably be catching on fire right now. “Huh. That’s… just strange. Why would he do something like that?” 

“Why indeed. I’ve decided to agree to it,” Roy said smoothly. 

This time Havoc looked positively alarmed. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before he settled on what to say. “Can’t you fight it? Have I done something wrong, sir?” 

Roy almost winced, but he kept his face passive from sheer force of habit alone. “Of course you haven’t done anything wrong, Jean. It seems that General Hakuro’s men have recently begun asking a lot of questions about the invasion. And about Fullmetal and his whereabouts.” 

Jean frowned, obviously not understanding what that had to do with him. “Ah, Ed is in Xing,” he said a little too loudly. He then glanced uneasily around the office as if he was expecting one of Hakuro’s men to jump out. 

Roy allowed a slight smirk to cross his features. “My office is not bugged, Lieutenant.”  He had checked it over himself. “You may speak freely.” 

Havoc exhaled sharply. “You think he suspects something.”  

“I’m certain Hakuro’s people are prying into this at his direction. I expect he requested you be transferred to his unit so that you might spill something useful.” Roy didn’t say it was because Havoc was the most likely member of his staff that would slip up. His goal here was to build confidence instead of destroy it. 

“I wouldn’t do that to boss, sir.” 

“I’m aware of that.” Not deliberately at least. “I’m going to approve the transfer,” Roy tapped the papers in front of him again. “I would like for you to-” he paused several seconds for effect before going on, “keep your ears open and report to me what you find out about why the general is interested in the invasion at this time, and Fullmetal in particular.”  

“You’re sending me to spy on General Hakuro.” It was not a question. 

“If you decide not to I will not hold it against you, Jean.” 

Roy was asking a lot of the man, requesting he continue to report to him when Havoc would now be working for an officer that outranked him. He stood and walked to the windows, clasping his hands behind his back. He watched the snow and waited patiently; the choice was Havoc’s and he’d meant what he said about not holding it against him if he declined. It would have been so very easy to play on his subordinate’s loyalty, to drop a few well-placed hints about all their years working together. But Roy wanted Havoc to agree to this on his own or not at all. Roy’s main priority in this maneuver was Ed, but Havoc had his own career to think about. 

Several long moments passed while Jean weighed his options. Roy was beginning to think he was going to have to come up with another plan when Havoc finally said, “I’ll do it.” 

Roy turned from the window to find Havoc giving him a sharp salute. As he returned the salute he gave the man a genuine smile. He hated that he was losing another member of his team and this time it was something he could prevent. Yet he was allowing it to further his own goals. Was that really what he’d always done? Roy wasn’t sure he had the stomach for this kind of manipulation anymore. “Dismissed, Lieutenant.” 

“It’s been an honor, sir.” 

“This is only temporary, Jean. I will get you out of this when it is over.” 

Havoc’s shoulders sagged with relief and he grinned broadly. He nodded his thanks and left. Roy was sure a few more cigarettes than usual were going to be in order on the man’s next smoke break. 

He sat back down at his desk and glared at the transfer request. Complete allegiance from Havoc, even now, after everything that had happened. He simply trusted Roy would find a way to transfer him back under his command somehow. Was it prudent to risk one subordinate to protect another one, to use them like pawns on a chessboard? 

He had to. He could compartmentalize this. He had done that throughout his entire military career, after all. He would beat Hakuro at his own game and he would protect the Elrics. If it meant he ended up giving up most of his sleep dividing his time between avoiding political minefields and visiting the underground city, well, Roy could live with that.  

He did not like that General Hakuro was digging into this. No one else knew the Gate remained open, not even his staff. If anyone found out about the gateway Roy would be forced to destroy it. 

Maybe he was being foolish waiting on Ed to do something as reckless as he’d always done in the past. Roy knew his reasons may be selfish, but he had to give the Elric brothers a chance. He believed in them, and if there was a way back, they would find it.  

“You’d better hurry, Fullmetal,” he murmured. As he picked up a pen and signed the transfer order he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that time was running out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gate is still open, and everyone is having a Very. Bad. Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about one month after the timeline of the movie, under the assumption that the brothers think they have taken care of the bomb but have not yet found a way to close the gateway.

The meeting dragged on so long Roy almost wished he’d brought a stack of paperwork along to fill out while he ignored the higher-ups droning on around him. It was just as well he hadn’t; facing two mind numbing tasks at once may have forced him into a coma.

After more than two hours of half-listening to how the military was going to complete the reconstruction of Central in a reasonable timeframe – they were much more focused on talking about it than actually doing it – the meeting finally adjourned. Roy stood with a drowsy sigh and gathered a few folders that had been scattered on the table before him.

As he left the conference room he took a right down the hallway towards the canteen, instead of heading left back towards his office. He needed coffee and lots of it. His exhaustion had finally caught up with him and he had collapsed on one of the couches in his office the evening before and slept straight through until this morning.

No night spent below the streets of Central muttering apologies to the empty air last night, then. Roy felt better after finally getting some much needed sleep and it was lucky he’d already stored an extra uniform in his new office. He ran a hand over his chin; he did need a shave, but for the most part no one could tell he had spent the night here.

Out of nowhere Second Lieutenant Havoc fell into step beside him. Roy could have commended his ability to sneak up on people, but the man’s complete lack of subterfuge left something to be desired. “Your meeting took forever,” Havoc said wryly.

“We’re not supposed to be seen together, Lieutenant,” Roy reminded him tightly.

Havoc kept his eyes trained ahead, sometimes saluting or nodding at people that passed them in the hallway as they walked. “This isn’t a social call, sir.”

They had come to the entrance of the dining hall, and they both stopped outside the doors. Roy scanned the area, he didn’t really see anyone that shouldn’t see an officer and his former subordinate speaking briefly to each other, but one could never be too careful. Everyone talked.

“What is it?” Roy asked, keeping his voice low but his face nonchalant. He was just catching up with an old friend. Nothing unusual about that.

Havoc stared at him, his expression very serious. Roy was really going to have to enlighten him on the finer points of working undercover later. “Don’t flip out and do something stupid when I tell you this, but you need to be in your office right now, Colonel. General Hakuro has been in there for almost an hour.”

All thoughts of lecturing the Lieutenant on the importance of subtlety in public left Roy in an instant. Hakuro. He hadn’t been in the meeting. Not all officers were required to be there; Roy himself probably could have gotten out of it. But he had a personal interest in the reconstruction, and it had been a convenient way to avoid doing any paperwork for a couple of hours while he tried to wake up.

Havoc opened his mouth to say something further, but whatever he said was lost in the midmorning commotion of the canteen somewhere behind him as Roy turned on his heel and stalked back down the hall.

*

Ed leaned over the sink and splashed his face with cold water. He grabbed a towel from the rack and dried his face, then somberly regarded his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His skin was a sickly pallor and the basically permanent dark shadows under his eyes made him look more haggard than he actually felt. His recent weight loss made his cheek bones stand out more prominently.

He looked like hell but he couldn’t make himself care. He’d had yet another nearly sleepless night, having wakened shortly after midnight from another dream of Roy Mustang. There had to be a way to excise the man from his mind.

He drew his hair back with one hand and looped a hair tie around it a couple of times, then opened the door and headed downstairs. The unusual sound of voices lured him into the kitchen. Al and Noah were seated at the table finishing their breakfasts and talking quietly to each other.

At his entrance they both fell silent. Noah looked down at her plate, and Al flushed to the roots of his hair.

“Morning brother,” Al said awkwardly. Al met his eyes briefly and then looked away guiltily and got up. He grabbed the empty dishes and headed to the sink but it seemed more like an attempt to put some physical distance between himself and Noah for Ed’s benefit.

Watching Al try to hold a grudge against someone made his insides clench. It was a bit like what Ed imagined Al trying to be cruel to a kitten would be like. It simply wasn’t in his nature. Ed, on the other hand, could hold a grudge indefinitely if he felt like it. There was a general somewhere in Central City that could attest to that – not that he was thinking of Mustang because he wasn’t.

Since they were all basically stuck living together, he would make an effort to try to make things right for Al’s sake. Al shouldn’t be thrown into the middle of something he didn’t even know all the details of, and Noah didn’t exactly deserve the silent treatment Ed had been giving her.

“Hey,” Ed said, more or less directing the greeting at both of them.

Noah picked up on it, and looked up gratefully and offered him a small smile. Al looked pleased too. Maybe he could do this without losing too much of his pride.

“Brother, do you want to come with me to the factory today?”

Ed winced and tried not to look too exasperated. They were going to have to sit down and have a serious discussion about Al’s obsession with home very soon. But he could only handle one problem at a time.

“I can’t today,” he answered. “Al, could you give me and Noah some privacy? I think we need to talk.”

Al immediately looked wounded. Ed barely held back a sigh. There were too many things he couldn’t tell Al, and he knew it was starting to build a rift between them.

“Please Al. Just for a few minutes,” he said.

Ed thought the younger boy was going to argue for a moment, but Al finally nodded curtly. “I’m going downstairs to feed Gracia’s cat,” he announced. “If anyone cares.”

He left the apartment quickly, perhaps closing the door behind him a little louder than necessary as he went.

Ed was instantly torn. He wanted to go after Al, but he hadn’t even spoken to Noah in almost a week, and that was wrong too. He was doing a good job of making a mess out of everything. He would just have to try to make it up to Al when he came back.

He sat down at the table across from Noah. “So. I think maybe we should talk about what happened.”

“I think we should.”

They were both silent for an awkward moment. “I don’t really know where to start,” Ed confessed.

“I’ll start then,” Noah said. She examined her hands splayed on the tabletop for a second, and then asked, “Who is he?”

An easy question, but one Ed found he didn’t actually want to answer. He still wanted to keep whatever these feelings were for Roy to himself. He forced himself to say, “He was my commanding officer back home.”

Noah nodded slightly, still looking uneasy. “And did you… were you in a relationship with him?”

Ed had to laugh at that, and it relieved some of the tension in him. “No. Not even close. I thought I hated him almost right up until I ended up here the first time.”

“So what’s changed?”

Ed shook his head thoughtfully. He wished he knew. “I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately.”

“It’s… a little weird.”

“What is?”

“Suddenly liking someone like that… someone that you’ll never see again.”

Ed laughed again. “I never do anything the easy way.”

“I’ve noticed that about you,” Noah grinned.

Ed felt a little better. It was difficult, trying to put whatever these feelings for Roy were becoming into words, but Noah basically already knew. It wasn’t like breaking the news to someone like Al would be. He shrank down a little in his chair. He couldn’t ever tell Al this, and he was glad that there was no reason to.

“Are you going to start seeing men then?”

Ed jerked his head up. “What?” His voice came out as a croak.

“You like men,” Noah elaborated, averting her eyes to look at the wall.

“I don’t,” Ed declared, feeling his face grow hot. “It’s not like that. I don’t know what this is, but it’s not – I’m not-” he broke off, so flustered he wasn’t sure what either of them was even trying to say.

Noah nodded, fidgeted with her hands a little and swallowed. “I think there’s something that I still need to tell you.”

Something about the way she said it instantly set him on edge. He already didn't like the sound of this. Ed sat up and eyed her warily. “Okay.”

“That morning that you woke up and found me in your room – it wasn’t an accident.”

Ed’s stomach lurched. “What?”

“I just wanted to see,” she said weakly.

He sat up a little straighter, tried to force his mind to work. “See what? Noah… what are you saying?”

“I wanted to – to know what you dreamed. If it was about your home – or if might be about me.” Noah still wasn’t looking at him as she spoke and she was clutching her hands into fists on top of the table.

“You said you heard me calling out. You were trying to wake me because you thought I was having a nightmare,” Ed said blankly. Her admission hadn’t really sunk in all the way.

Noah shook her head but didn’t speak.

“You said you heard me calling out,” Ed repeated, like saying it again would somehow make her take it back. And then it all made some sick kind of sense. “I wasn’t talking in my sleep,” he said flatly.

Noah looked down at her hands and didn’t deny it.

His stomach was churning. He wanted to yell, to scream, to rant at her. But mostly he wanted her to tell him he was wrong. He needed her to deny it. It was much easier to accept the thought of Noah finding out about Roy accidentally than the idea that she had stolen into his room to deliberately look into his mind while he slept again. The way she had done before.

“Was I?”

Noah started to shake and her eyes filled with tears, but she still didn’t say anything. Ed got to his feet and started to pace around the cramped kitchen. He couldn’t think straight while he was looking at her. He glared out the window, very deliberately did _not_ look at her, and said, “Noah.”

“No,” she finally sobbed.

Ed closed his eyes, felt his stomach drop away. She had done it again, on purpose, after she had promised him she wouldn’t. “How could you?”

“I - just wanted-”

Ed looked at her then. Crying freely now, she looked as miserable as he felt. “Was that the only time?”

“Edward. Don’t.”

Her voice was pleading him to stop. But he couldn’t. His mind was reeling. “Tell me the truth, Noah. Was that the only time you’ve done that to me since I came back here?”

“No,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

He didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say. He left her there crying in the kitchen. He furiously strode through the apartment towards the door, stopping only long enough to shove his feet into his boots and grab his coat off the coat stand. The door opened and Al entered right as he was about to leave.

Al’s eyes widened as he took in the threatening look on Ed’s face.

“I didn’t mean to!” Noah exclaimed behind him, but Ed was no longer listening. The only thing he knew was he had to get the hell out of here. Al put his arm out as if to stop him, but Ed pushed past his startled brother, tugging his coat on as he went.

“Brother?” Al called uncertainly.

Ed kept going until he was out in the lobby. He had to keep moving because if he stopped he was going to be sick or he was going to break something, or both. He yanked the front door open and half ran, half jumped down the steps; his feet barely even hitting three of them as he went.

He could hear Al following him, repeatedly calling his name. He couldn’t be around anyone right now, not even his little brother. Ed broke into a run and fled down the street. He didn’t know if Al was still trying to follow him, didn’t care, he just ran and didn’t stop until the only thing he could hear was the sound of his own ragged breathing.

*

By the time Roy reached his office whatever activity had been going on there was over. He stopped in the doorway and tried to assess the damage. The office looked like it had been ransacked. File cabinets had drawers hanging open and file folders and loose papers were strewn everywhere. Falman and Fuery were looking over documents and trying to sort them into piles. Breda was glaring at everything and picking up folders that were scattered all over. Riza was straightening up one of his desk drawers.

“What happened here?” Roy asked.

They all looked up at him and seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. No one answered him immediately though and Roy did not have the patience to wait very long.

“What did he do?” Roy asked more forcefully this time.

“General Hakuro and two of his Lieutenants came in and went through everything, sir,” Riza said, watching him carefully as she spoke.

They were all studying him as if they half expected him to take off and do something rash, he realized. The same way Havoc had looked at him before he’d told him Hakuro had been here. Like he might roast a particular general or disappear for a couple of years. Both things were not entirely out of the realm of possibility right now.

“We couldn’t stop them, Colonel. He kept throwing his rank around like the pompous ass he is,” Breda snarled, dumping the file folders he'd collected into one of the open file cabinet drawers.

Roy understood that and he didn’t blame them at all. “And?” he prompted.

“They took all the files you had on the invasion,” Kain Fuery added.

Roy had expected as much as soon as Havoc had informed him of Hakuro’s presence. He bent and picked up a stray paper on the floor at his feet. It was nothing significant, part of a file he’d been working on the day before.

“Is that all?” Roy asked, already knowing the answer. His staff exchanged meaningful glances with each other, and it seemed Riza was silently elected to give him the news.

“They took every report you had on Edward, Colonel,” Riza said.

For the second time today, Roy started moving without thinking. He dropped the paper he’d been holding and strode through the doorway to the outer office.

“Sir!” Riza called after him urgently, her voice troubled and confused.

Roy didn’t turn back. “There’s something I have to do.”

*

Ed reached for the wall with a hand to steady himself, missed spectacularly, and ended up bouncing sideways off the brick surface instead. He stumbled and regained his footing, tilted his face up to the sky and laughed. The snow had finally stopped, and the night sky was fucking magnificent. It was still full of clouds that threatened to release more snow, but the moon was full and mesmerizing.

Ed took a few more uneven steps off the snow covered walk until he was standing in the middle of the quiet street.

Most of the city’s businesses remained closed because of the snow, many had been shut down for days, but somehow the bars were open. People had their priorities.

Ed had walked for a long time after storming out of the apartment earlier that day, walked and walked until he found himself standing in front of a friend’s grave before he’d even realized where he was going. Full of renewed guilt and self-loathing after that, he spent the better part of the evening on a stool in the dingiest tavern he knew of, where the beer was cheap and the service was refreshingly unobtrusive. Alfons had taken him there a few times, and Ed had raised more than a few glasses to him tonight. Ed was still too young to drink in Amestris, but the drinking age in Germany was sixteen.

It was one thing this world actually had going for it. The bartender had barely even glanced at him before sliding a beer across the counter. He had no form of identification, and he probably barely passed for eighteen, but he definitely looked older than sixteen, dammit.

Ed spun in a slow circle, arms extended out into the air, still looking up at the moonlit sky. His breath was coming out in wispy little clouds and he knew underneath the heat the alcohol was spreading through his system that he was probably freezing. He had stumbled into a heap of snow coming out of the bar that had soaked his pants from the knees down and probably half filled his boots.

For now though he was blissfully numb and warm so trivial matters could wait.

Sometime around the third or fourth beer Ed had come to the conclusion that all of his problems were Mustang’s fault. His unease around his little brother, his argument with Noah, his stupid arousing dreams – all of it could be laid at the Flame Alchemist’s feet. Even when he was stuck in another freaking world Roy Mustang was still controlling his life, and Ed was sick of it.

His mind kept replaying what had happened with Noah, and he didn’t know what to think. It had finally sunk in that Noah had been trying to tell him she was viewing his dreams to see if he felt anything for her. Part of him was sympathetic to how she must be feeling, but he felt incredibly violated.

How many dreams of Roy had she seen?

He weaved aimlessly down the street; and for a long while the only sound that reached his ears was the soothing crunch of snow under his boots. He was somewhat surprised when he eventually came to his apartment building. He hadn’t exactly been heading there deliberately.

The light in the front window was still burning brightly, and Ed steeled himself for the outburst he knew was about to come. He clamored up the front steps, let himself into the building and made his way to the apartment he shared with Al and Noah. Ed could only hope his little brother had gone to bed so he wouldn’t have to deal with this tonight. Maybe he could creep quietly to his room and Al would never have to know.

Any chance of that scenario happening was dashed as soon as he opened the door. Al immediately jumped up from the couch, a look of immense relief flooding his face. Ed noticed that Al had his own coat and boots on. Oh, no.

“Brother! Where have you _been_?”

Ed glanced from his brother to Noah, who was standing behind the couch. She also had her overcoat on. Shit. They’d been looking for him. “I went for a walk,” Ed said carefully, hoping his voice sounded something close to normal.

“We were looking for you everywhere. We tried the university and the factory. We just called Officer Hughes, he was going to send someone out looking for you-” Al’s voice hitched, he sounded completely wretched. “Where did you go?”

Ed wanted to comfort his brother, but Noah was watching him with an unreadable expression and Ed was suddenly unsure of how to act or how much he could say. He didn’t want to bring up what had set him off in the first place, and his mind was too muted to be properly angry right now. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and mumbled, “I went to visit Alfons’ grave.”

Somehow it was exactly the wrong thing to say. Al dropped back onto the couch heavily and ran a hand over his face.

Ed blinked at him, confused.

“Your pants are all wet,” Noah noted.

Ed looked down and chuckled a little sheepishly. “Fell in the snow.” He dimly noticed his boots did have snow in them, as he’d suspected. He kicked one off and then the other, both of them spilling partially melted snow all over the foyer floor. He next tried to tug his coat off but his metal wrist was hopelessly caught in the wool sleeve. He frowned at it and pulled harder until it slipped free, then bumped into the coat stand and knocked it over.

“Are you drunk?” Al demanded.

Al sounded horrified. He’d said the word _drunk_ like Ed had gone out and ingested something toxic. When he thought about it, Ed supposed he had. He cackled at his own wit.

“No,” Ed replied when he had gotten control of himself. He hastily pulled up the stand and righted it. His coat slipped off his shoulders, bumped the stand again and caused it to teeter dangerously. He reached out and stilled it. Hurriedly hanging his coat on a hook and stepping away before he had to repeat the entire process, he conceded, “Maybe a little.”

Al’s expression shifted slightly from concerned to completely dumbfounded. With his head as fuzzy as it was, Ed couldn’t really puzzle out what he’d done wrong. He was eighteen, not twelve. He liked having his mind dulled a bit. He’d barely thought about Mustang at all tonight and it was a welcome reprieve.

He walked towards Al and plopped down on the couch next to him. His motor function might have been off a little, because Al barely moved over in time to avoid being sat on. Al stood up and took his coat off. “I need to call Officer Hughes back and tell him not to look for you,” Al said slowly.

“M’kay,” Ed said, flopping over and relaxing completely as Al and Noah went into the kitchen. He settled back against the cushions with a soft groan. It felt so good to lie down he might stay here forever.

*

It was snowing harder than it had been the day before when Roy had headed into work, and his car was buried under several inches of snow. He made a shoddy attempt to clean off the windshield so he could see the road, grumpily thinking that he normally had people do this kind of thing for him. Then he got into his car and sat there numbly for a while. He had no idea where he was intending to go first.

The files in his office pertaining to the invasion and Ed had all been expertly forged by an old acquaintance of Hughes’. He wasn’t as skilled as Maes, but he didn’t ask questions and did as he was told for the right amount of money, which was all Roy needed.

The ‘official’ story was that Ed was in Xing, being treated with the country’s expertise in medical alchemy for some severe injuries he’d sustained on a mission. His brother had joined him around the time of the invasion, but the two events were not linked.

Hakuro may not buy any of it, but he wouldn’t learn anything of any importance from the documents either.

His first impulse was to drive to his house and burn the more detailed files he had on Ed. But he believed those were still safe for now. The general hadn’t been gone that long, and searching a military office was one thing, but he wouldn’t have someone break into his home. Roy knew it would take some actual evidence to get authorization for the military to search his house.

The place he desperately wanted to go was the one place he shouldn’t in the middle of the day like this. Yet the thought that someone had followed him on one of his last visits to the Gate wouldn’t leave him. His mind made up, he eased the car out onto the nearest access road and headed for the closest entrance to the underground city from Headquarters.

The rising panic didn’t fade until he edged his way around crumbling stone walls and caught his first glimpse of the Gate a short time later. The gateway still hung far overhead, its numerous beams of light pulsing away in a slow, steady rhythm as always. Roy instantly felt relief flood through his veins like some kind of drug. He gave himself a few seconds to catch his breath before moving on until he reached his usual place underneath the opening.

Roy told himself this was getting too dangerous. He knew the best way he could protect Edward and Alphonse was to put a permanent end to this.

The very thought of it made his gut clench. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and turned around, his eye focusing on nothing as he looked blankly at the wreckage stretched out before him.

The relentless passage of time was not helping to ease anything. Shouldn’t it be getting easier by now?

“I don’t know how to let you go,” Roy said roughly.

He didn’t _want_ to let go.

He closed his good eye and moved his hand to adjust his eye patch against the sudden stinging behind it. The temptation to leave, to pack up what he needed and head back to that quiet cabin in the North where he wouldn’t have to look at this damn Gate and wouldn’t have to face the gaping hole in his life where Edward Elric should be was overwhelming.

It took him several minutes to regain his composure. He couldn’t leave Central again. There was still the remote chance that Ed could pop back up as suddenly as he had left. This hollow existence was tearing him apart, but he was reassured by the fact that Hakuro didn’t know anything. Roy wouldn’t be forced to do anything yet.

He still had to head back to the office and put in a few hours of actual work for the day. His staff would be wondering where the hell he had gone. He was about to leave when he heard the distinctive click of heels echoing on the stone pathway behind him.

Instinctively Roy reached into his pocket for a glove. He swiftly pulled it on and mentally cursed himself for growing complacent. He had been coming here too long and he had been so distracted by that weasel Hakuro that he had gotten sloppy. He damn well knew better than to come here in daylight.

Roy peered over his shoulder, trying to make out a form. He saw nothing out of place, but the footsteps were getting closer. Half of him was torn between closing the portal right this second before the intruder saw anything. The other half was sorely tempted to set ablaze whoever had followed him here on the spot, no questions asked. However, the gateway dominated the cavern’s ceiling and whoever had trailed him here had surely seen it by now.

He waited tensely, gloved hand clenched by his side.

“Colonel Mustang,” Riza Hawkeye’s voice rang out across the ruins. She carefully stepped out of the shadows cast by a building several yards away, blinking up at the Gate in awe before fixing her worried gaze on him. “What is going on here?”

*

"Yes, he’s here now. He’s a little drunk, but he’s all right. Thank you, Mr. Hughes. I’m really sorry we bothered you at this hour.” 

“ _Aha, that’s quite all right Alphonse. I’m just glad he’s ok. You tell him in the morning if he does it again I’ll cite him for public drunkenness_ ,” this world’s Maes Hughes chortled over the line.

Al held the receiver away from his ear and winced at the man’s sharp bark of laughter. It was still a little disconcerting how alike the man was to the fatherly one he had known in Amestris sometimes.

They said their goodbyes and Al hung up the phone with a heavy sigh. Al could hear Ed muttering to himself from the couch. He idly wondered if Ed was going to pass out. He shook his head, unable to believe this was really happening.

“Does he do this a lot?” Al asked Noah, since she was the only one that could give a reasonable answer.

“Not a lot, no.” She was standing in the archway watching Ed shift around on the couch. The corners of her mouth were twitching up into a grin. She halfway turned around to face Al, saw the troubled look on his face and raised an eyebrow. “Are you mad? Alfons never got mad when he drank. Alfons would usually go with him and then I’d have both of them like this to deal with.” She partially covered her mouth with her hand, smiling fondly at the memory.

Apparently everyone knew this side of Ed except him.

“I am not Alfons,” Al said through clenched teeth.

Noah narrowed her eyes and regarded him carefully. Al struggled not to squirm under her scrutiny. “Is it about the money?” Noah asked.

“I’m sorry,” Ed suddenly interjected from the next room. Al vaguely wondered how Ed was able to listen to only what he wanted to even like this. Ed rolled over onto his side and mumbled into the sofa cushions, “So sorry.”

“No, it’s not about the money,” Al said loudly, so his idiotic brother would hear him. He probably wouldn’t remember it and it was just another senseless thing they could argue about later on.

Al didn’t care about how much money Ed spent; it was his money, he could do whatever he wanted with it. No matter how much he made there would never be enough anyway. It was about so much more than money.

Al walked back into the sitting room and took in his brother’s messy appearance. His hair was disheveled and half falling out of his ponytail. His clothes were rumpled, and the pant legs of his trousers were still damp. Ed had gone a little too quiet and looked to be almost asleep.

“Help me get him upstairs before he passes out,” Al ordered. Noah nodded and moved to help him, then hesitated once she was standing in front of Ed. She eventually settled for hovering near his side but not touching him.

“No, don’t let her, I can do-” Ed began without even opening his eyes, but trailed off incoherently before he could finish his protest.

Al had to count to ten before he could say anything without yelling at both of them. “Take the automail, Noah,” he instructed.

That seemed to placate Ed enough that he let himself be hauled up off of the couch. Al wrapped one arm around Ed’s waist and draped Ed’s left arm over his shoulders, supporting most of his weight. Noah flanked Ed’s other side, careful to only handle the automail arm. It wasn’t much help, but as long as Ed at least tried to move somewhat on his own it worked.

“Told you I could do it myself,” Ed abruptly crowed, wobbling a bit from side to side.

“Yes, you’re doing a marvelous job,” Al agreed, and started slowly walking them towards the stairs.

His movement jostled his brother and the older boy’s knees buckled before they were even two steps from the couch. Al turned and briskly yanked him to his feet again. Al slowed his pace and gradually led the staggering teen up the stairs with Noah trailing along right behind them, supporting the automail as best she could.

Ed sagged against him as they neared the top of the stairs, suddenly becoming dead weight. It was much harder to maneuver him after that, the automail did seem to weigh a ton, but they eventually managed to make it to his room.

“I’ve got him. Get the light,” Al instructed at the doorway. Noah dropped Ed’s arm and darted around them into the bedroom. She cut the light on and moved out of the way as Al entered, then stood back and watched as Al struggled the few remaining feet across the room. He hefted Ed’s arms up a little and then unceremoniously dumped his brother on the bed. Ed had already passed out and did not protest the rough treatment. Breathing hard, Al straightened and looked down at his older brother’s unconscious form with a scowl.

“Is he okay?” Noah asked in a quiet voice.

“He’ll be whatever he normally is in the morning. I wouldn’t call it okay,” Al muttered.

“Al-” Noah began hesitantly, but Al silenced her with an irritated wave of his hand.

“No. I’ve had enough. We looked for him for hours, and I was worried something had happened to him,” he gestured at the teen spread out on the bed. “And he was off doing _this_ to himself. Brother was never this irresponsible before.”

If Noah disagreed, she kept the thought to herself.

“He isn’t eating enough,” Al started, trying to keep his voice even. “He’s barely sleeping. I keep having to take care of him because he won’t do it himself, and I wouldn’t mind it if he would tell me what is going on. I thought he was starting to feel better about whatever is bothering him, but after tonight I think he’s worse.” He bit his lip to keep from saying more. He wanted to stay calm; Noah was not the one he needed to be saying these things to.

Noah joined him at the side of the bed. “I thought when he came back here and you were with him that he would be happier. But he isn’t. He’s still lost,” Noah mused softly.

Al gazed down at his brother. Ed’s eyes were closed and his face was free from expression. Profoundly unconscious, he wasn’t in pain or having a nightmare. He _looked_ like he was sleeping peacefully for once. Stricken, Al looked from Ed to Noah, his stomach already roiling at the idea that was half-forming in his mind. “You know what this is all about.”

“I told you we fought earlier. He was very upset. He left before I could make him understand,” Noah said, anxiously smoothing her hands over the folds of her dress.

“I’m not talking about that.” Al shook his head.

Dark eyes flicked to his, searched his face. Al wondered, not for the first time, if Noah saw Alfons when she looked at him. Sometimes he couldn’t keep from worrying if his brother saw his doppelganger too, and then the resentment was nearly choking him. Ed was his only family and his only anchor to this place, but his brother had lived an entirely separate life for two years here that Al had been no part of. Ed was the same brother he’d always known, but different at the same time. New facets of his personality kept presenting themselves, and there were things he kept hidden, places Al couldn’t reach no matter how hard he tried.

“What is it Alphonse?” Noah questioned, eyes still focused on him.

Al looked down again, considering. Sure, he and Ed got along most of the time on the surface. But underneath, Ed really wasn’t telling him anything and hadn’t been for some time now. He was constantly being pushed away by excuses like Al wasn’t old enough to understand, Al hadn’t been here before and seen the things Ed had, Al needed to let go of the desire to go home. This all had to be coming from something other than buried feelings for their childhood friend. Al took a deep breath, trying to sort out his racing thoughts before he spoke. It was no use. “I want to know what you saw that day. What he was dreaming,” he blurted out. He felt sickened by it - like he was betraying Ed, right here in front of him, but he had to know.

Noah smiled sadly and raised her hand as if to grasp his shoulder. Al didn’t shrink away from her; he wasn’t the one that had things to hide. But Noah tensed at what she had almost done and dropped her hand back to her side without ever touching him. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Won’t tell me, you mean.”

“It was private. If he wants to tell you he will tell you. Let him come to you in his own time.”

Al gaped at her, incredulous. “Private? You pried around in his mind like you were reading the paper and you’re lecturing me on privacy? He’s _my_ brother.”

“That is why he will come to you when he’s ready.”

Noah left them alone then, and Al was glad because he didn’t trust himself not to say something he would regret. Al reached over and turned off the lamp on the nightstand, bathing the room in semi-darkness. Al drew a blanket over his older brother but there was little else he could do. He’d be sleeping in his clothes again tonight. He silently left Ed’s room, closing the door softly behind him. In Ed’s current state he could have slammed it repeatedly and it wouldn’t have mattered.

Al went down the hall and into his own bedroom, the room that had once belonged to Alfons. It hurt so much that Noah – a girl that Ed was actively avoiding like she had a virus – knew what was going on. Had Alfons known the things Ed wouldn’t tell him too? He shut his eyes tightly and clenched his hands at his sides, thinking of the teenager that looked like him but wasn’t, the one that was with Ed when he couldn’t be, the one that was closer to Ed’s age than he actually was now.

Instead of lying down Al took a seat in the hard backed chair near the bed. He stared dully out the window, but barely even noticed that snow had started to fall again. It occurred to him that maybe some of the reasons he wanted to go home so badly were not completely unselfish. He needed to get back the close bond that he had always had with Ed.

He was jealous of a dead boy with his face, and a life that he couldn’t share.

Noah had been right. Ed was lost. And for the first time since coming here, Al felt just as lost as his brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of a very bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about one month after the timeline of the movie, under the assumption that the brothers think they have taken care of the bomb but have not yet found a way to close the gateway.

Roy would rather have dealt with Hakuro and an entire battalion finding him here than Riza Hawkeye. For a moment, he hadn’t cared who had discovered him here; his only thought had been to protect Edward at all costs. Shaken, he looked down at his gloved hand, and the array stood out nearly crimson in the glow cast by the portal.  
  
“What is this place?” Riza asked. Roy noted with some relief that her hand wasn’t reaching for her weapon. Yet.

“You shouldn’t be here, Lieutenant.”  
  
Riza’s eyes darted back and forth from him to the gateway overheard. “I should probably be saying the same thing to you, Colonel.”  
  
Roy nodded slowly, not really hearing her, his mind still reeling from the realization of what he’d almost done only moments before. He walked a short distance to the crumbling remains of a low stone wall, his path lit by the too-bright yellow beams of the Gate. He took a deep breath as he sat down, head bowed in resignation, silently waiting for the flurry of questions that were sure to follow.  
  
Riza stepped closer to him, craning her neck to look at the spectacle above as she moved. For a moment she stood very still, looking up at the portal with a mix of shock and bewilderment. “What  _is_  that thing?” Riza asked, her words coming out in a confused rush.  
  
Roy was used to subtlety, quietly manipulating things to look the way he wanted them to appear. But there was no way to conceal this now, no way to cover it up. If it had been anyone other than Riza, maybe he could have found the words to talk his way out of this. But Riza deserved his honesty. She had stood by him through so much; putting her career, her future, and her very life on the line for him time and time again.  
  
The Gate was his prison and his freedom, his punishment and his absolution all at once. The time for half-truths was over.  
  
“This is the city that was destroyed when a Philosopher’s Stone was made here, I believe,” Roy said simply. “And that is the gateway between the world the Elrics went to and this one.” He didn't bother to look upwards.  
  
Riza eyed him dubiously, her face darkening like the sky before an approaching storm as he spoke. She’d heard about the Gate before, of course. Roy had told his staff most of the story of what had happened that November day Ed had vanished once again and taken his little brother with him. Roy had just left out certain details they didn’t need to know, like the fact the Gate remained open.  
  
“The gateway the Elrics used to go back to that other world,” she said. Her voice had instantly turned distant and cold, unlike any tone she had ever taken with Roy before. “The same one those things used to come here and attack us.”  
  
“What do you want me to say, Riza?” Roy asked, dropping any attempt at formality.  
  
“I want you to tell me what you are doing here. You told us all that you took care of it-”  
  
“I am taking care of it.”  
  
“This is not taking care of it. You told us you closed it behind them!” Riza exclaimed, pointing towards the Gate far above them.  
  
“I know what I said,” he replied, keeping his voice low and his face clear of emotion. She had every right to be angry with him. By all outward appearances Roy was once again the perfect soldier. Since his return to Central he had thrown himself into his work with renewed dedication. He obeyed every command from his superiors. His work ethic was impeccable. To an outsider, he knew this would look like a complete and utter betrayal of everything he had sworn to protect.  
  
“All this time, I thought you’d closed it... and you’ve been coming here,” Riza said slowly, tilting her head a little, looking at him almost as if she’d never seen him before.  
  
“I tried to close it. I did. Every damn time I come here I try.”  
  
“Then why haven’t you?”  
  
He had nothing left to hide behind. He swallowed, choosing his words carefully. “The Elrics. In a lifetime full of things to regret one of the things I regret most is letting this happen to them. The least I can do is leave a way back for them. They deserve that chance. I’m not taking that from them.”  
  
For a moment her eyes flashed with sympathy, but in the next instant it was gone, replaced with a sharp, focused anger. “This is bigger than the Elrics. This goes back further than what happened to them.”  
  
“I know that. Don’t you think I know that?”  
  
“To be perfectly honest sir, after this,” she gestured above again, pausing long enough to cast another disbelieving look up at the Gate. “I don’t know what you are thinking. Do you even remember what those things did when they came here? Do you want that kind of destruction to happen again?” She abruptly turned away from him, but Roy didn’t need to see her face to know it was etched with disapproval.  
  
Roy was silent as she paced the area, her boots echoing off the concrete as she took turns shooting icy glares first towards the gateway and then in his direction. Riza was upset, understandably so, but there wasn’t a single thing she could say that would dissuade him.  
  
And maybe she knew it; she knew him well enough to know the precise moment he began slacking off on paperwork even when his office door was closed. After several minutes of silently studying the array etched into the ground, she turned and walked back to him, meeting his eye and rubbing her arms against the chill in the air. “And if they come back through while you have this thing open?”  
  
“It won’t happen again. Ed won’t let it.”  
  
Her eyes softened when she looked back at him, and she pressed her lips together in a tight line. “This is still about Edward. Of course.”  
  
“I shouldn’t have let him go back there again.” It was difficult to say even that much out loud. He was so used to holding things back from everyone, but here all of his vulnerabilities were on display.  
  
“But Alphonse is with him this time,” Riza said slowly. “They’re together now. That’s all the two of them ever needed. Maybe they are happy where they are now and don’t even want to come back.” Her eyes shined with fondness at the mention of the brothers, and her slight smile was not unkind.  
  
His stomach twisted at her words. Roy knew what she said may be true, but he still couldn’t let it go. There was no way to explain this without making it sound exactly like what it was. “Do you know what it is like to grieve for someone that isn’t dead?” Roy asked. He didn’t manage to keep the rough edge out of his voice as he said it, but he no longer cared.  
  
“Yes. I do.”  
  
Roy looked away, instantly sorry he’d asked the question. He’d known of her feelings for him; he’d always known. He’d never seriously entertained the idea of pursuing anything. For all he knew, she hadn’t either, simply because she was his subordinate. Yes, she was beautiful, but she was off limits. Chances were it would never have worked. Anything between them would have been too messy, too fleeting, too risky to chance losing a good friendship.  
  
It was a lot like the situation with Ed, but Ed was even more unattainable.  _Ed and I were never actually friends_ , he reminded himself.  
  
“Edward would probably be angry at you if he knew you’d left this open all this time,” Riza mused, gracefully changing the direction of the conversation. Always the calm professional. Roy was grateful for her tact.  
  
“I imagine he would be,” Roy agreed, a genuine chuckle escaping him at the thought. “What I wouldn’t give for him to stomp up and try to throttle me for it.”  
  
“He’d probably do more than try.”  
  
Roy had been back in Central for a little over a month now, but he had grown more accustomed to days, weeks sometimes, of complete isolation stretching on through miles of endless snow. He was used to relying on himself, and Hawkeye had done more than enough in the name of duty for him already. He would not ask her for a thing, but he wouldn’t lie to her either. She deserved that much. “I’m not closing it yet,” he told her. “If someone else discovers it, if it proves to be a danger to anyone, then I will close it. Until that time, I’m leaving their way back open. I am not giving up on Ed.”  
  
“Is this why you approved Jean’s transfer?” She turned to look at him again. She had a more determined look in her eyes, daring him to say otherwise. This was the Riza he knew, always unafraid to stand up to him. But Roy was drifting into uncharted territory with her. Always before the line between commanding officer and subordinate had been very clear, but maybe this time Roy had finally pushed her loyalty too far.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“How much does Jean know?”  
  
“He doesn’t know about this,” Roy began. At the indignant look on her face, Roy held up his hand for her to hear him out. “Hakuro is investigating the Elrics’ involvement in the invasion. He’s probably looking for a way to link it to me. The less Havoc knows about this the better off he is.”  
  
“He needs to know what he’s up against.”  
  
“I will tell him when the time is right,” Roy assured her.  
  
“What if he inadvertently says something that leads someone here? He’s too close to General Hakuro and there’s no telling what that vile man will do if he finds out about this place. He needs to know,” Riza stated. She looked back to the Gate, a light flush rising in her cheeks. Always before she had followed him without seriously questioning his reasons or his methods, and Roy could tell she was having difficulty doing that now.  
  
“He needs to have plausible deniability Riza, and right now he has it,” Roy said firmly. “He can’t say anything if he doesn’t know anything. I’ll tell him more when I can.”  
  
Riza sighed and nodded, the last of the argument leaving her. “Tell me what you need me to do to back you up, sir.”  
  
“Lieutenant… Riza, I can’t ask you to do that.”  
  
“I’ll do what I can; you should know that by now. But this is too big to cover up for long. Anyone could have followed you.” She held his eye intently, never looking away, never wavering in her resolve.  
  
He nodded, knowing she was right. This was already spiraling out of his control. More than anything, Roy hated not being in control of a situation. He had already unintentionally dragged two of his subordinates into this. “I’ll close it, when I have to. I just need to give them as much time as I possibly can.” He stood and straightened his uniform as he looked out across the vast stretch of ruins. Time was deceptive here, it could be afternoon or the darkest hour of night and this place remained unchanged. “For now, there isn’t much else I can do. I need to get back to Headquarters.”  
  
Riza shook her head. “Not today. What you are going to do is go home and get some rest,” Riza said in the no-nonsense tone she normally reserved for getting him to finish paperwork.  
  
“It’s the middle of the day. People will notice if I don’t go back to work, Lieutenant.”  
  
Riza stepped closer and laid a hand on his arm. “I’ll tell them you were ill. Sir, we’ve all been worried about your for some time. Right now, I think you need some time away from here and the office. And tomorrow morning... don't come here. You need to be more sensible about this. It’s enough to know Edward’s alive and out there somewhere. It has to be.”  
  
Roy made a noncommittal noise that he hoped Riza would take as an agreement. Roy returned his gaze to the gateway far overhead, wondering as he often did what kind of hell the brothers went through down here, together and separately. The air was very still here. No breath of wind, no fresh air, no sunlight had touched this place for many years. Few people living even knew of its existence. A forgotten, desolate city, it could have easily been the Elrics’ tomb and no one would ever have known.  
  
The portal looked the same as ever, a constant reminder of the loss of the Elric brothers. Once again, Roy cursed himself for not seeing something like this coming.  
  
When Ed first disappeared, Roy would have searched to the farthest corners of the world to find him. He had done everything he could. From his hospital bed he had dispatched every possible contact, investigated every fruitless lead, called in many owed favors during a time when no one wanted their names connected to his.  
  
He was certain Ed was out there somewhere. He couldn’t be dead. Maybe hurt, maybe lost, maybe taken by the homunculi. It was possible something had gone irreversibly, inconceivably wrong. It was Ed. Of course it had. But Roy never believed he was dead. Ed was too stubborn to die, too determined to give up.  
  
But the searches turned up nothing, and Roy had shut down for two long years. Now he knew something of what had really happened to Ed, but knowing didn’t change anything. Edward Elric had slipped out of his life as effortlessly as he had come back into it, and there was nothing he could do. Both of the Elrics were gone now.  
  
Roy couldn’t bring them back and he couldn’t go to them. Yet knowing they were out there somewhere wasn’t enough for him anymore.  
  
*  
  
Sleep was elusive that night. Too tightly wound to doze off, Al tossed and turned restlessly as his mind replayed the night’s events. He couldn’t shake the image of his brother lying exhausted and vulnerable in the next room, of his too thin frame and the dark shadows under his eyes that a night of drinking would not erase.  
  
 _At least he’s getting some sleep this way_ , Al thought miserably to himself.  
  
Drinking himself unconscious really wasn’t the way to go about it though. At first Al was so surprised by Ed’s behavior he had been certain that Ed had gotten some kind of brain damage on one of the many occasions he had been hit in the head. Maybe the Stone had altered something in his mind when Al used it to bring him back to life.  
  
He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when he’d said goodbye to General Mustang and followed Ed onto that ship, but it certainly wasn’t this. They were together now, thankfully, but something wasn’t right. For a while after coming through the Gate, Al had been so profoundly relieved and content to be with Ed again that he’d willingly overlooked the signs that Ed wasn’t completely happy here. There were too many things they’d missed out on experiencing together when they were separated; so much had happened to them both. After tracking down Huskisson and later returning to Munich, he thought they’d have the chance to make up for some of that lost time, and he’d tried to. But Ed was often moody and distant, and by the skittish way Noah behaved around him even before the morning Al found her in Ed’s room, it had been building for some time.  
  
He couldn’t help thinking that he had never missed his brother quite this much, even when they were apart and Al didn’t know if he’d ever see him again. He didn’t want to be shut out like this.  
  
The persistent thoughts finally drove him from the warm pile of blankets on his bed some two hours later. Al grabbed the top cover off the bed and draped it around his shoulders, then settled himself at the desk and began sorting through the latest stack of books he had lugged back from the factory for further research. There were thick volumes on everything from rocketry theory to texts on the most basic principles of alchemy. His eyes skimmed over the leather-bound spines, searching for something that might make his night of lost sleep a little more productive.  
  
The answer had to be here somewhere.  
  
Yawning absently, he grabbed a thin black notebook from the top of the stack of books he’d been working his way through recently. His brother and Alfons kept many journals stuffed full of their notes and calculations. He always found comfort in going through Ed’s old notes; he didn’t fully understand the complicated machinery they’d been working on, but reading through the annotations Ed scribbled down was a little like reading a personal account of what Ed had done during the time they’d spent apart.  
  
Shifting a little in his seat until he was more comfortable, he flipped to the first page. His breath caught in his throat. It was not his brother’s nearly illegible scrawl, but Alfons’ neat handwriting that filled the page. It was completely irrational, he knew, but he didn’t want to go through the other boy’s things. It was bad enough he had to sleep in what used to be Alfons’ room. With the way Ed was acting lately, Al was beginning to feel like a replacement for the other boy, and a poor one at that.  
  
Propping his chin on his hand, he examined the journal with a slight frown. He ought to make Ed go through Alfons’ notebooks – he had been his friend, after all. He eyed the books piled high on the desk and scattered around his room. He’d already gone through most of the remaining books at least once so it only made sense to keep looking for some answers in new material. Reluctantly he pulled the book a little closer and settled back down to read.  
  
As Al skimmed over the pages he had to concede that Alfons did have some good ideas. What knowledge his brother lacked about the flight technology of this world the other boy had more than made up for. There were a lot of entries and calculations on the potential speed needed to push through the Gate. He spent nearly an hour reading over the notebook but there was very little in it he hadn’t seen documented countless times before. Al turned another page and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. He was starting to think he might be able to sleep tonight after all when an entry at the bottom of the page caught his attention.  
  
Ordinarily his mind would have been focused, absorbed completely as he eagerly soaked up any information about this unfamiliar world, its science, and the traces of his brother’s time here. But tonight his thoughts kept drifting back to his brother’s reckless behavior and he’d almost missed this page entirely. Cursing his own carelessness, he sat up straight with a start and nearly tipped the chair over in his haste to read the notation again, the idle thought of sleep leaving him in an instant. He almost yelled aloud for Ed to come and see what he’d found, momentarily forgetting it was the middle of the night and the other occupants of the apartment were asleep.  
  
According to one of the last notes entered in the book, there had been at least one other plane built almost a year ago. There were a few crude sketches drawn on some of the pages. The dimensions were a little larger and it was shaped a little differently than the plane Ed had arrived back in Central in. It didn’t look like any of the other planes Al had seen used to cross the Gate that day either.  
  
As far as he could tell it was the first plane they had built and it was only meant to be a prototype. The test flight they had performed had failed, and the biplane had been slightly damaged. Alfons’ observations of the launch attempt didn’t say, he noted grimly, what had happened to the biplane after the failed experiment. The following several pages detailed modifications that should be made to their future efforts.  
  
Al pored over the notes a third time, trying to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. He’d learned a little about the rocketry his brother had studied before Al came here, but a lot of the specifications outlined here were beyond him. It wasn’t long before Al was forced to admit to himself that he knew less about the inner workings of a biplane than Ed knew about girls.  
  
There were too many variables here; he really shouldn’t get his hopes up yet. The plane could have been damaged beyond repair. It could have been removed from the factory; after all, Al had methodically gone over every square inch of the building and never seen any remnants of another airship.  
  
But it could be the way back. It was the first glimmer of hope he’d come across.  
  
Al wasn’t the least bit tired now. His mind was all but tingling and buzzing with renewed energy. He hadn’t felt this excited since the first time he had seen his brother again after two incredibly long years. Al leaned forward eagerly, checking over the papers once again. He needed to ask Ed what had become of the prototype. If the plane was still somewhere nearby and salvageable in any way, why hadn’t Ed told him about it?  
  
Ed had held things back before, but Al couldn’t believe he would keep something like this from him. Ed might have his stubborn reasons for staying here and sulking, but he knew how much Al wanted to find a way home.  
  
His brother wouldn’t cover up something like this, would he?  
  
With shaking hands Al closed the journal and set it back on top of the desk. He needed to speak to Ed about this and right now he didn’t care if Ed was still somewhat drunk while he talked to him. He got to his feet and headed out of his room, intending to go and rouse the older boy. He padded down the hallway and opened the door to Ed’s bedroom carefully, trying not to disturb Noah sleeping in the room across the hall. “Brother?” Al called softly.  
  
He paused in the doorway and gave his eyes a minute to adjust to the darkness. A sliver of pale moonlight spilled across the bed and its unconscious occupant, and Al felt a pang of remorse even as he slipped further into the room. Ed hadn’t moved from the position he’d been in when Al had left him a few hours earlier. “Ed?” he attempted again, quietly, but his brother didn’t even stir.  
  
Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he quietly called his brother’s name again. Not loud enough to wake him, not really, but if it worked Al wouldn’t feel overly guilty about it. Yet as eager as Al was to discuss what he’d found, he didn’t like seeing Ed like this. For several long moments Al hesitated, listening to the sound of his brother’s slow, steady breathing. He wanted nothing more than for his brother to wake up and make it all okay.  
  
He edged a few steps closer to the bed, and as he moved his gaze fell on the large wooden box in the far corner of the room. In the darkness Al could just barely make out the shape of the false limbs the box contained.  
  
Al had not forgotten the prosthetic limbs their father had crafted for Ed to wear in place of the automail. When they had come back here Ed had vehemently refused his offer to help pack them up and store them away somewhere. Al would have preferred them to be thrown out; he’d almost done it himself just so he wouldn’t have to look at them and think of his brother ever existing that way.  
  
As he stood there in the darkened room glaring at the box that represented his brother’s biggest weakness, some of the pieces started to fall into place. Ed had known that the likelihood of his new automail holding up over a long period of time, even without dangerous missions and fights a part of his daily life, was small. He had obviously given their situation here a lot more thought than Al had.  
  
He’d turned a blind eye to this behavior for too long. He should have realized what was going on weeks ago. Ed was making long-term plans on how he was going to get by without the automail someday. He was really planning on spending the rest of his life – of both of their lives – in this other world.  
  
His brother had given him his life back. Why wouldn’t he let Al try to do the same?  
  
Al frowned, thinking back over the way Ed avoided going to the factory, and how he always refused to discuss any possible options to return home. The one time they had almost had a serious discussion on trying to find a way back Ed had dismissed him and walked out. He remembered his brother pacing the room, exasperated and defensive. But had it been more than that?  
  
 _How do you think we’re going to do it? Fly? Do you expect me to steal a plane?  
_  
Not steal a plane, no. But maybe, just maybe they could repair one.  
  
He closed his eyes and let himself give in to the possibility of going back for just for a moment, even though he knew the odds were stacked against them. Although they didn’t have a home in Amestris, they had friends that cared about them, and he’d always felt like he belonged there. Ed wouldn’t hold something like this back from him. He wouldn’t.  
  
The wind picked up, howling against the window panes with enough force to make them rattle, reminding him again that Ed had been wandering around in the cold for hours that night. He couldn’t bring himself to try to wake Ed more forcefully. Ed wasn’t getting enough rest and it had already taken this long to find something; this could wait until morning. Deciding to let him sleep it off, Al turned to go. He’d made up his mind. It could wait. For now. But one way or another, they were finally going to have this out.  
  
*  
  
It was already light outside when Ed awoke, probably late morning if he went by the traffic sounds outside his window. His head ached and his body felt far too heavy, and for a few groggy moments he couldn't figure out why. There was a lingering taste of stale beer in the back of his throat. He raised a cool metal hand to his face and stifled a moan. He’d done something stupid again, that much was certain.  
  
He scratched along the join of steel and flesh near his collarbone, turning his head to look around the empty room. So many mornings he’d laid here and tried to imagine he was somewhere else. He recalled fragments, hazy bits and pieces of the night before. He’d gone drinking to forget about Mustang, he remembered that much, but how he’d ended up back in his room was a mystery.  
  
He started to sit up but the sharp pain in his head caused him to lie back down with a grimace. His stomach joined his head in protesting any moment. Getting a few more hours sleep suddenly sounded much better than trying to get up. Ed rolled onto his left side and pulled the covers up around himself; mindful of the dull ache in his other shoulder. Sighing, he closed his eyes and settled against the mattress. It was better if he didn’t move. If he just lay perfectly still, maybe he’d start to feel better.  
  
Before he could start to doze off again, the stillness of the room was broken by two sharp knocks on the door. He snorted; surprised someone around here had finally learned how to knock. The door opened while Ed was still trying to decide if he wanted to answer. Al walked into the room, already fully dressed and holding a glass of water in one hand. “Good morning,” Al said brightly. His voice sounded surprisingly mocking for someone so young.  
  
“If you say so,” Ed muttered. He attempted to sit up again, propping himself up on his elbows, but his stomach and head swam alarmingly at even that small amount of movement. With a groan he dropped his head back to the pillow instead.  
  
“How are you feeling?” Al continued, his tone still dripping with false cheerfulness.  
  
Ed wondered if he was trying to sound so happy merely to make him feel worse. If so, it was working. His throat felt like gravel as he bit out, “Like hell.”  
  
“Good,” Al snapped, and there was no pretense of good humor in his voice this time.  
  
He set the glass of water on the bedside table before moving to the other side of the room and pulling back the curtains. Sunlight filled the room, making any chance of going back to sleep impossible. “It’s snowing again,” Al informed him. Ed could only offer a grunt; little more than a low, rasping sound to indicate he’d heard him at all.  
  
Next the demon that was his brother drew the wooden chair out from the desk and slowly pulled it across the floor towards the side of Ed’s bed. The loud scraping noise did nothing to help his head, and Ed turned onto his side with a groan and tried to burrow his body further into the mattress.  
  
“Drink the water,” Al instructed.  
  
Water sounded wonderful. With some effort Ed managed to roll onto his back, but that was as far as he got. His head was pounding so hard there was no way he could sit up enough to drink anything. He took a few deep breaths and shook his head slightly. “Not sitting up yet.”  
  
Worried grey eyes searched his face. For a moment, Ed wasn’t sure if his brother wanted to choke him or hug him. Then, Al leaned over and used the back of his hand to feel his forehead.  
  
Ed squirmed away from the touch. “I’m not sick,” he mumbled.  
  
“No,” Al agreed, stepping back to take a seat in the rickety chair. “You’re an idiot.”  
  
Ed opened one bleary eye to give his brother at least half of a glare. Al folded his arms and returned the sentiment with a scowl of his own. It wasn’t often Al chastised him. He probably deserved it far more than Al actually attempted to do it. Really though, he couldn’t argue the point. He threw his metal arm over his face to shield his eyes from the offensive daylight and muttered, “You’re supposed to respect your older brother, you know.”  
  
“Mmm.” Al leaned back in the chair until it creaked. “Which part should I respect I wonder, staying out all evening and half the night and worrying everyone sick, or passing out on me? Literally.”  
  
“You’re overreacting.” This was not the way he wanted to start the conversation. It was far too early for lectures. It may be almost noon, but assaulting him when he’d first woken up was not fair. It had to be Winry, he decided, that had taken his formerly sweet little brother and turned him into an unsympathetic adolescent.  
  
“I don’t think so.”  
  
Ed toyed briefly with the idea of lying, but he knew there was no excuse he could come up with that would work. Al may be thirteen, technically, but he was not a naïve child. “Al, I don’t need this. Stop babying me. You’re not our mother.”  
  
“Maybe that’s your problem,” Al replied, his voice taking on a sullen edge. “You’ve been living here for two years without anyone that really knows you around to let you know when you’re being stupid.”  
  
Ed clenched his teeth and forced himself to sit up. The room jolted disturbingly, but he ignored it. He was not going to lie in bed like an invalid; it would only help to prove Al’s point. “It was nothing. I just drank a little too much last night. People do that sometimes.”  
  
“It was more than a little too much. And it’s more than just last night. I’m not Noah or Alfons.” Al’s words started out tentatively, but his voice gained strength as he went on. “Maybe you could fool them… but I didn’t just meet you. I remember what you were like back home. I remember everything now, you know. You’ve been acting weird ever since I got here. You didn’t used to act like this.”  
  
Ed impatiently swiped his bangs out of his eyes. “Things are different now, Al. I grew up...” He didn’t finish the sentence; he didn’t need to. The unspoken  _while we were apart_ always hung between them.  
  
Ed slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled his hair over his shoulder. So far so good. With some food in him he might even be able to make it through whatever punishment Al had planned for the rest of the day.  
  
“Really? You call this grown up?” Al flung his arm out towards him, indicating Ed’s miserable state as he gingerly reached for the glass of water. He wasn’t shouting yet, but he was close. “If you hadn’t found your way back here when you had last night, you would have passed out in a ditch somewhere. In the snow, with your automail. What do you think would have happened to you then, or do you even care? I didn’t come here to watch you self-destruct.”  
  
Ed took several sips of the cool water before setting the glass back on the nightstand. He looked down as his rumpled clothes and sighed deeply. “I’m not. It’s just...” He shook his head, at a loss for what to say. “It was stupid.  _I_  was stupid. I won’t let it happen again, all right? I was just mad, that’s all.”  
  
“At Noah,” Al said quietly. “Don’t worry. She wouldn’t tell me what happened either,” Al added when he saw the questioning look on his face.  
  
“It doesn’t matter now.”  
  
“Of course it doesn’t,” Al muttered. “I should have known that’s all you would say. I don’t know why I bother with either one of you.” Al raised his hand to cover a yawn and Ed finally took a good look at him.  
  
“Did you sleep at all last night?” Ed grabbed his brother’s arm and peered closely at the boy’s face. Al mumbled a vague reply, neither a yes or no, nothing more than nonsense really. Al’s eyes were shadowed and his face was pale. He looked as exhausted as Ed felt these days, and Ed knew he was the cause. And why? All because he didn’t want to tell his little brother about a few embarrassing dreams.  
  
In some ways Al was the more mature Elric. Ed knew that, although he would probably never admit it to anyone out loud. But it was Ed’s responsibility as the older brother to make sure Al remained innocent in other areas until he was at least thirty.  
  
The line of Al’s shoulders moved with a rough, jerking motion as he shrugged before he pulled his wrist free and leaned back in his chair, conveniently out of reach.  
  
“What’s going on, Al?”  
  
Al looked down and picked at the cuff of his sleeve as he spoke. “I just want you to be honest about what you’re doing and why.”  
  
Ed hated the way Al looked at him, as if he could see right through him. It had been different before Al came here. With Alfons, and then later on with Noah he wasn’t seen as someone’s brother or the Fullmetal Alchemist. He was just Ed, and for the first time in his life he could make mistakes that didn’t have dire consequences.  
  
Now there was Al, holding him accountable for his latest screw-up. Making Al worry about him made him feel worse than a simple hangover ever could. He seemed destined to fuck things up regardless of which world he was in. But something about the way Al was looking at him told him there was more to this. “What is this really about?” Ed inquired.  
  
He didn’t think Al was going to answer him at first. Al took a deep breath and looked around the room, brows furrowed in thought. After a long moment of silence, Al looked back at him, his mind apparently made up.  
  
“Are you keeping something from me?” Al asked quietly, a solemn expression on his face.  
  
For a few seconds Ed could only stare at the younger boy in stunned silence as he wondered exactly what he might have said the night before. Whatever he might have let slip in his drunken state, it wasn’t like he could blurt out  _I think the cold weather is messing up my automail port. And I don’t have the money to pay this month’s rent. Oh and by the way, I’m having dreams about the general_ now that he was sober.  
  
Al watched closely as Ed fidgeted with the blanket, stalling as his mind scrambled for something to say to shift the authoritative balance between them back in his favor. Al was wise beyond his years, even beyond the seventeen years he should rightfully be now. There was a spark of knowledge behind his eyes that no child should possess. But he was the older brother here, dammit. He was not going to let a thirteen year old going on forty push him around and he was definitely not telling him about a stupid, useless crush on Roy Fucking Mustang.  
  
He’d never been able to lie convincingly, especially to Al, but his brother didn’t press him on it when he forced out a mumbled, “Of course not, everything is fine.”  
  
For a moment Al chewed his lip thoughtfully, looking like there was something further he wanted to say. Then he sighed audibly and nodded once, a resigned look on his face as if he’d been expecting that answer. “Change your clothes. I’ll go fix you something to eat. After that we’re going to the factory.”  
  
Ed opened his mouth but before he could utter one syllable Al said, “I don’t even want to hear it. We’re both going. I want to show you something.”  
  
Reluctance instantly changed to curiosity, and he sat up a little straighter on the edge of the bed. “Show me what? Did you find something? What is it?”  
  
“You’ve got your secrets. Now I’ve got mine.”  
  
Part of him still wanted to protest, to demand an answer, but he knew better than to argue with his little brother with the mood he was in. For someone with such a youthful appearance, Al somehow exuded a quiet determination that was more intimidating than the looming suit of armor had ever been. “All right,” Ed conceded.  
  
Al rose to his feet. “And take a shower too.”  
  
Ed frowned up at his brother. “Are you trying to tell me I smell?”  
  
“No,” Al said with a somber shake of the head. “Actually you reek of cheap beer. I was  _trying_  to be nice about it since you look like you feel even worse than you smell.”  
  
Ed groaned. “So much for respecting your older brother. Was I really that bad last night?”  
  
The laughter burst out of Al as if he just couldn’t hold it back any longer and he doubled over, shoulders shaking as he finally gave in. Ed glowered at him and sputtered in indignation. Al straightened up after a long moment, gasping for air and wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry, brother,” he said, not actually sounding very sorry at all. “But you were. You really should have seen yourself.”  
  
“I’m glad it amused you,” Ed said wryly. Al continued to snicker as he moved the chair back across the room. Ed did feel like an idiot now, but some of the tension between them seemed to have lifted away. “Are we okay?”  
  
Al paused at the door, turning back to look at him with the first real smile he’d worn in days. “We’ll always be okay.” Then he added, a little too cheerfully, “But keep acting like you have been and the next time you pass out I’ll cut off your hair.”  
  
Al was laughing again as he went down the hall. Ed decided right then and there that his brother had definitely been under Winry’s influence for far too long.  
  
*  
  
Jean Havoc rushed through the busy halls of Central Headquarters, absently shaking the snow from his hair and overcoat as he went. He wasn’t running, exactly. He was simply walking briskly and glaring as much as his rank would allow at nervous cadets until they spontaneously moved out his way. He checked his watch again and swore under his breath. Almost half an hour late. Damn Roy Mustang.  
  
He’d left his apartment just before dawn hoping to find Colonel Mustang at one of their arranged meeting places. Havoc really needed to know what he should and shouldn’t say about the files on Ed. He had no doubt General Hakuro would be waiting for him as soon as he got to work, just dying for the opportunity to catch him in a lie.  
  
One of their meeting points was a rundown bar on the edge of the city. It wasn’t much more than a dingy hole in the wall, but it was far from any of the regular places that were frequented by military personnel. There was obviously no point in checking there at this time of day. That only left the other designated spot, a small clearing in a park not too far from Headquarters. He knew it was close to the area where the Elric brothers had disappeared during the invasion, and Havoc couldn’t understand Mustang’s almost morbid fascination with the location.  
  
He’d waited by the frozen pond on the edge of the park for as long as he could, missing both breakfast and his precious morning coffee, certain that Mustang would want to get their stories straight. But the Flame Alchemist had never shown up. The colonel was most likely already here in the building somewhere, meaning Havoc had wasted a good portion of his morning waiting for nothing. If Mustang had any sense, Havoc reflected sourly as he reached the flight of stairs to the fourth floor, the man would have called out sick to avoid the fallout. In retrospect, he should have done that himself.  
  
He reached in his pants pocket and pulled out a cigarette as he took the stairs, tucking it behind his ear for later. There really wasn’t time to head back down two flights of stairs and across the building to check Mustang’s office, but Havoc was sorely tempted to do it anyway. He was going into this with no idea what he was supposed to say to Hakuro to cover for Ed, or how to even begin to cover for Mustang. It was just like the sneaky colonel to make all sorts of elaborate plans and then keep them to himself.  
  
As he reached the corridor that led to Hakuro’s offices, he was relieved to find it was nearly deserted. A sergeant hurried past him with a slight nod, but he met no one else. He turned the corner and stopped, surprised to see that he was standing alone in the reception area. Even the secretary was away from her desk.  
  
He took a deep breath and tried to think of something, anything else to distract him from what awaited him in the office. The girl that worked at the corner market on 8th street instantly came to mind. She had such a charming smile, and he was close to getting her number. Of course, if it hadn’t been for one Roy Mustang, Havoc could have stopped there for coffee this morning and seen her on his way to work. He shook his head irritably. There was no getting away from this.  
  
He forced a neutral expression on his face and went through the open doorway to find the door to the general’s private office was shut and the outer office was blessedly empty. He shut the door behind himself, listening hard for any sounds coming from Hakuro’s office. He could only faintly make out Hakuro’s voice; it sounded like the man was giving orders to someone over the phone. With any luck he would be tied up for a while. After a moment Havoc moved to his desk, assured for the time being that he was alone.  
  
He raked a hand through his hair, wondering how long he had to stick around before he could disappear for a cigarette. He had a moment to catch his breath and pull off his overcoat, just long enough to start to think maybe he’d slipped in unnoticed after all, before the door behind him opened again. He slowly turned around to see which staff member had joined him, prepared to give whoever it was his best  _I’ve been here all along_ face. First Lieutenant Douglas Bennett stood in the doorway and regarded Havoc with a bland, unimpressed stare. “You’re late.”  
  
Well. That particular expression had never worked on Riza Hawkeye either.  
  
Havoc hesitated, raising a hand to scratch the back of his head. He hadn’t been planning on having to explain his absence just yet, and the first three explanations he’d prepared all sounded ridiculous now that he was actually standing here. “My car wouldn’t start.”  
  
Not much better than the dog ate my homework as far as flimsy excuses went, but Lieutenant Bennett didn’t call him on it. Instead he crossed the room to his own desk without another word. Havoc couldn’t really read the man. He’d known of him by reputation only before his transfer into Hakuro’s unit, and Bennett didn’t really strike him as someone trying to climb their way up the ranks. Younger than Jean, younger than  _Riza_ , he’d made First Lieutenant around the time Hakuro had been promoted. It was unusual to say the least, and Jean still wasn’t sure if the rank had been based on loyalty or merit.  
  
“There’s fresh coffee,” Bennett announced as he took a seat behind his desk, raising his steaming mug slightly. “You look like you need it.”

“You have no idea,” Havoc blurted out, keenly aware it was possibly the most honest thing he would be able to say the entire day. “Where is everyone?”  
  
“Meeting,” was his gruff reply.  
  
“Are they in with the general?” Havoc asked. He rubbed his hands together, trying to get some sensation back into his numbed fingers. Being stranded in the frigid morning air for too long was unfortunately no act.  
  
“No. They’re out looking at some of the damage left in one of the dormitories. He’s making some phone calls.”  
  
He was only late for another useless bureaucratic meeting on the reconstruction then. That didn’t explain what Bennett was still doing here, but Havoc had the uneasy feeling he already knew the answer to that.  
  
Spying on the spy.  
  
“He was looking for you earlier,” Bennett offered, his tone professional but not anything close to friendly.  
  
Havoc retrieved his coffee mug before glancing at the closed office door with a frown.  _I’ll bet he was_. “Did he say what he wanted?”  
  
Bennett took a long sip of his coffee before he answered. “No, but it’s probably something to do with those files. He’s been going over them ever since yesterday. Even came in early today to look them over again. He keeps asking questions about that Fullmetal kid only someone like you would have the answers to.”  
  
He didn’t know what he should say to any of that so for a while he said nothing, instead fiddling with the empty mug in his hands. “I doubt I’d be much help,” Havoc said finally. “Colonel Mustang kept Ed’s missions pretty classified.”  
  
“I’d tell him whatever you do know if I were you. He’s pretty serious about looking into this.”  
  
Like Havoc didn’t know that. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He tried to keep his answer brief, hoping the other man would get the point and stop talking.  
  
That approach wasn’t working. “Listen, I don’t know what it was like working for Mustang, but General Hakuro is different.”  
  
Havoc set his mug down. He didn’t like the sound of this.  
  
“I’ll give you a few tips about how things work around here,” Bennett offered, dropping his voice like he was about to divulge a state secret. “First thing you need to know is you can’t be late. You can’t leave early either, for that matter.”  
  
“I’m not usually late,” Havoc said, beginning to get a little irritated. This was not his first week in the military, and Bennett didn’t outrank him enough for him to tolerate being dressed down like a private caught sneaking contraband into the barracks for long. “It won’t happen again.”  
  
Bennett continued as if Havoc hadn’t even spoken. “You can get away with a few extra breaks here and there,” he added, indicating the coffee still steaming on his desk next to the morning newspaper. “But it’s not like what you’re used to working for Colonel Mustang. Everyone knows he lets his people do whatever they want while he slacks off. He should never have been a General, if you ask me.”  
  
Bennett was digging for something. Havoc gave up on trying to make polite small talk. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” His icy tone was a warning, abrupt enough that it should put an end to any further discussion.  
  
Bennett shrugged, his face breaking into a smug grin before he bent his head over his work. Havoc sat down after shooting one last miserable glance towards the door. He really should get to work and ignore the other man, but he couldn’t dismiss the feeling of dread starting to wash over him. Maybe he should get that first cup of coffee after all to at least try to settle his stomach. If nothing else he could vomit and get on with the rest of his day.  
  
Later. He could slip away for a break soon and find the damn colonel for some directions, but he hadn’t actually done anything resembling his job yet. With a resigned scowl, he pulled the nearest stack of forms over and set about sorting them according to their deadlines.  
  
Long, frustrating minutes of awkward silence followed, broken only by the irritating scratch of Bennett’s pen and periodic rustle of pages as Havoc continued to flip through the pile.  
  
He could feel Bennett’s eyes on him as he pretended to work. Years of working with Hawkeye had conditioned him to be aware when someone was watching. Even Falman, who was not often one to condone breaking military protocol, had said with something like grudging admiration that he had an uncanny talent for it. It was why Mustang had suggested Havoc’s desk be located closest to the office door, so that Havoc could be the unofficial lookout while the colonel surreptitiously took naps.  
  
He ignored what was going on behind his back for as long as he could. When he did finally turn to look at the other man, the lieutenant quickly averted his eyes back to his paperwork. If anything, Bennett’s rapt interest in his report seemed more like he wanted to appear as if he’d never been watching him at all.  
  
Not as innocuous as he went out of his way to appear, or was it just natural curiosity about the new guy?  
  
Havoc rolled his eyes and grabbed his pen, telling himself to ignore the mind games and get back to work. This transfer had made him paranoid almost overnight. He couldn’t put his finger on it yet, but he didn’t trust the younger man. He’d had some bad assignments since he’d first left the colonel’s command two years ago, but this one was already making him second (and third and fourth) guess his decision.

It was Bennett that finally broke the silence again. “So what was it like working for Mustang then?”  
  
“What?” Havoc tapped his pen restlessly on the desktop.  
  
Bennett set his mug down and looked up at Havoc again, his expression openly curious for once. “You said I don’t know. So what was it like?”  
  
Havoc only had to look at Bennett’s face a little more closely to see the truth of it. His sly, slightly cocky grin could be read as trying to put Havoc at ease. But his eyes were cold and calculating, constantly darting away and never quite making eye contact for long even now that he’d gotten closer to asking what he really wanted to know about.  
  
Havoc suddenly wanted a cigarette very badly. “It was fine.”  
  
The other man deflated a little, hunching his shoulders and looking down before apparently deciding he really couldn’t leave well enough alone after all. “They say he’s been a little...” Bennett paused and shrugged as if fumbling for the right word. “Off. You know, since he got shot.”  
  
White-hot anger surged in Havoc instantly, and without even thinking he’d clenched his hand into a fist beneath his desk. That was definitely crossing the line from trying to get to know a new co-worker better to deliberately pushing his buttons. Havoc knew the rumors about the colonel, of course he did, but most people were too tactful to ask any of Mustang’s staff about it outright. Rumors were always more interesting than the truth, anyway.  
  
He looked down at his desk, trying to swallow his disgust with the lieutenant before he said something he couldn’t talk his way out of. He reminded himself he’d been through much worse than this. He could do this for Mustang. If Havoc was honest with himself, it wasn’t anything the colonel’s own subordinates hadn’t reluctantly discussed in private. But that was different. They were a unit, even when their commander was stripped of his rank and their re-assignments had scattered them all over the country.  
  
Still, Havoc’s hand ached from the strain of not punching the man senseless. Later on Havoc would look back on it as the moment it all could have ended in a demotion or a special military hearing of his very own. Before he could do anything satisfying enough to warrant either fate, the door to the general’s office swung open.  
  
“Ah, I thought I heard voices out here. Nice of you to join us, Lieutenant Havoc.”  
  
He had to force himself to look away from the lieutenant and over at Hakuro. “I’m sorry I’m late, sir. I had car trouble this morning.”  
  
“No matter. You’re here now.” In Hakuro’s hand was a thick file, and as he flipped through it he frowned in consternation. Havoc would wager a month of his salary, or at least Fuery’s, that Hakuro had memorized the documents overnight. “I’m a little confused by some of Colonel Mustang’s records. Perhaps you can help me out now that you’re here.”  
  
Havoc got to his feet slowly, still unsure how he was going to proceed. It was like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together without having all of the pieces. “I’ll do what I can, sir.”  
  
“The reports are incomplete.” Hakuro went on as if Havoc didn’t know how he’d gotten them in the first place. “There have been no reported sightings of either Elric brother for some time. None of my sources can confirm any of the locations Colonel Mustang indicated the Fullmetal Alchemist was purportedly in recently…. Where is he now, precisely?”  
  
Just the way the general said Mustang’s rank, an ever so slight emphasis on the word  _Colonel_ , his mouth twisting with thinly concealed delight, made Havoc grit his teeth. Havoc looked over at Bennett, who was making no effort to conceal his amusement. They were toying with him, the both of them, like hunters stalking their prey. Maybe the colonel had been on his self-imposed exile for so long that he’d missed playing these cat-and-mouse games with the higher-ups, but Havoc didn’t.  
  
It was supposed to be a simple undercover job. Keep his eyes and ears open for any signs Hakuro knew something connecting the Elrics to the invasion. So far all he knew was that the general really didn’t like Roy. He’d known that much before the transfer.  
  
Mustang owed him big for this. Momentarily distracted by the mental image of the colonel presenting him with armfuls of cigarette cartons and his legendary black book, Havoc didn’t respond until the general cleared his throat expectantly. He leaned against his desk, trying to think of an appropriate non-answer. “I’m not exactly sure,” he finally admitted. “The last I heard he was somewhere near the border, but he was being moved around a lot for security. Because of his injuries.”  
  
“Hmm,” Hakuro said flatly. He exchanged a skeptical look with Bennett and then stepped back inside his office, motioning with his free hand for Havoc to follow.  
  
Summoned directly into the lion’s den. Ignoring Bennett’s satisfied smirk, he squared his shoulders and followed Hakuro. The general’s personal office was a lot like most military offices: elegant furniture, military memorabilia, some decorative items, but few personal effects. Havoc kept his expression perfectly blank and waited by the doorway as Hakuro circled his desk and returned to his leather chair.  
  
“Close the door and have a seat,” Hakuro said, waving a hand at the chair opposite his desk. “Tell me more about Major Elric’s injuries.”  
  
He nodded, silently cursing Mustang once again for getting him into this mess. This was starting out badly and he was less than an hour into the workday. He should have gone for that break and kept right on walking until he was off military grounds. But it was too late for that. Havoc had one last fleeting look at freedom before he dutifully shut the door and turned, ready to tell his new commanding officer exactly what he knew.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Al makes plans to talk to Ed about going back through the Gate. Noah gets a glimpse of a possible future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about one month after the timeline of the movie, under the assumption that the brothers think they have taken care of the bomb but have not yet found a way to close the gateway.

Al pulled the door shut behind himself, listening to the soft jingle of the bells overhead as he exited the store. He stood on the walk outside the grocery and appreciated the moment. All around him, people hurried to reach their destinations to get out of the driving snow but Al turned his face skywards and smiled. Not caring that he had a hat in his free hand and gloves in his pocket, he stood in the falling snow and just enjoyed the feel of the frozen flakes on his skin. In the time since he had been returned to his body he’d experienced everything, even the simplest everyday things that most people didn’t even notice anymore, like they were brand new. Like  _he_  was brand new, because he was.

With a contented sigh, he began walking towards the apartment he shared with his older brother and Noah. Edward should be waking up from his afternoon nap anytime now. And if he wasn’t awake by the time he got back to the apartment, Al would simply slam a few things around until he was.

Al peeked in the grocery bag one last time to make sure he had everything he needed before continuing on his way. He'd bought a generous helping of bread, eggs, sausage, and the various cheeses his brother had developed a taste for since coming here.  

If he softened him up first with an actual decent meal, maybe, just maybe Ed would begin to listen to reason. Ed had always been the one trying to resolve everything that happened to them. Maybe this time it was Al’s turn to try to fix things. 

There were certain things he couldn’t say to Ed. No matter how angry or upset Al got he would never say anything to indicate he didn’t want to be here. Even never meaning it, saying it in passing or sarcastically out of frustration – it would go straight to the part of his brother that never believed he deserved anything other than suffering. Ed really was too stubborn sometimes. He was a lot more like their father than he’d ever admit, but Al wasn’t going to point it out. He knew how to pick his battles with Ed, and he had bigger plans for today than starting an endless fight over genetic traits.

Someone else might have given up and let Ed wallow in whatever he was torturing himself with. But Al wasn’t giving up. He was an Elric, and Elrics were nothing if not resourceful.

Al had a plan now. He'd let Ed sleep off the hangover for a little while longer. After that, they'd have a late lunch and then they'd head out to the factory and have a talk about what he'd found in Alfons' old notebook. He had learned a few things by watching Roy Mustang over the years, after all.

It was somewhat odd to be thinking of Ed’s former commanding officer in a helpful capacity these days. He slowed to a standstill on the crowded sidewalk and considered, oblivious to the people that had to skirt around him. Was General Mustang Ed’s former or current commanding officer? He paused and scratched the back of his neck. Would Ed even want to remain in the military when they want back? Ed had always said he couldn’t wait to get out from under the military’s thumb, but Al rather missed the stability that being a part of General Mustang’s team had brought to his brother.

They hadn’t had anything like a home in a long time, but Mustang’s crew had been a family or sorts that they could always come back to, like Winry and Granny Pinako.

Of course, he’d had a front row seat to the general’s handling of his brother and all of the enraged ranting and snarling that followed each encounter. Al had been duped himself, but he hadn’t ever taken it as personally as Ed had. It was for Ed’s own good, and the man had gone out of his way to help them more than anyone else had. 

General Mustang was a master manipulator, but Al had the added bonus of a lifetime of experience – minus two years, of course – of dealing with Ed to draw from. He could take Mustang’s technique and apply his own touches to it. Al knew which buttons to push to illicit a reaction, or deeper contemplation, or yes, even to trigger the guilt Ed was so fond of shouldering all on his own. He knew when to back off before it became too much, and when to let Ed think he’d come up with something himself. 

Ed would never know what hit him.

 *

The midday sun glinting off the snow was nearly blinding, and Noah kept her hand raised to shield her eyes from the glare as she walked. Under normal conditions, it was about a half hour walk from the apartment to the factory. With over a foot of snow blanketing the ground it would take considerably longer. She was glad she’d had the forethought to change into a pair of pants. It was difficult to walk through the freshly fallen snow in a long skirt, and it was harder still keeping up with Edward, even when he was hungover and sulking.

“Brother!” Al called out. 

Up ahead, Ed trudged along, head lowered against the bitterly cold wind. The snow was finally tapering off again; only the occasional snowflake still drifted down from the cloudy sky. A strong wind gusted through a nearby copse of trees, scattering a fine mist of snow and ice to the frozen ground below. The wind stung Noah’s face, and she tugged the collar of her coat up. 

At her side, Al mumbled under his breath in frustration. Until now, the somber group had been traveling in relative silence. The factory was, for all intents and purposes, in the middle of nowhere. A few abandoned buildings were visible in the distance, far off the buried trail they were taking, mostly warehouses and other factories that had gone out of business after the war. Other than that, the area was completely isolated. There was little shelter from the fierce winds. Noah pulled her coat tighter around herself as she carefully picked her way through the snow. 

“Brother!” Al tried again, raising his voice a little more. 

Ed walked on as if he hadn’t heard anything. It was obvious he was still irritated that Alphone had pestered him into coming out here. 

Noah looked over at Al. The snow nearly came up to his knees, but the boy stomped through the drifts at a determined pace she was having trouble matching. He had a small backpack slung over one shoulder. His cheeks were reddened from the cold, and his brow was creased with worry. If the frigid air bothered him more than it did her, he didn’t show it, copper eyes intent on Ed’s back. 

“Did you two fight this morning?” Noah asked. 

“Not really,” Al said. “Not yet, anyway.” 

Al glanced at her and offered a reassuring smile, which Noah returned after a moment’s hesitation. This boy had no reason to try to comfort her, to trust her, or even like her. Yet instead of treating her like some sort of science experiment, he made every effort to include her simply because his brother had befriended her. His sincerity was endearing, and she’d found herself liking the young boy right away upon his arrival. 

“Brother! Would you wait up already?” 

Ed wheeled around, hands shoved in his coat pockets, hair trailing over his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” he shouted. 

“Nothing, it’s just…” Al turned in mid-stride and looked back the way they had come. “Maybe we should wait until it’s dark since the snow stopped. Someone might see our tracks.” 

Noah turned to Al. He was right. It was one thing to travel out in the open when the falling snow would quickly cover over their footsteps, but the snow stopping would leave them vulnerable. 

“You should’ve thought of that before you threw a big girly hissy fit to get me out here,” Ed snapped. 

“Ed…” Al said. Noah could hear the note of pleading in his voice. 

“It’ll be fine, Al. We’re going.” 

Ed turned his back and started walking in the direction of the factory. Problem solved, at least in Ed’s mind. Noah looked from one brother to the other, expecting Al to protest again. Surprisingly he didn’t; instead setting off again with a resolute expression on his face. 

Noah let out a breath and fell into step beside him. She suspected Alphonse would always defer to Edward in most situations. The best thing she could do when they got like this, she’d quickly discovered, was try to stay out of the way. 

A sudden movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention as Al stumbled and lost his footing in the snow. He threw his arms out in an attempt to catch himself, but staggered forward and almost went to his knees. Without thinking, Noah reached out a hand to steady him before he could fall. Her fingers closed around his bare wrist. The touch immediately sent a shiver through her that had nothing to do with the cold. 

The world swam and blurred before her. For a moment she stood frozen, loosely holding Alphonse’s wrist, oblivious to everything but the sounds roaring in her ears. Within seconds images and sensations began to flood her mind, coming in waves so fast she couldn’t grasp them all.  _Footprints in the snow. Al squirming in someone’s grip, eyes wide with fear as he screamed out for his brother. The Gate closing in on itself. Flames all around her, and the scent of acrid smoke filling her lungs. A gun firing, and Edward falling to the factory floor._  With a gasp, Noah jerked her hand away from Al and stepped backwards, nearly falling over herself in her haste to break the contact. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured absently, not even sure what she had said, her mind still buzzing with images she didn’t quite understand.   

“It’s okay,” Al said easily. 

Noah shook her head. It wasn’t okay. Not at all. 

Alphonse bent over, and Noah saw him pick something up out of the snowdrift he’d almost fallen into - a notebook, it looked like. She hadn’t even noticed it fall out of his bag in all the confusion. He used his glove to wipe it free of any snow and then slid it back into his pack. “Did you see anything about me?” Al asked. “I didn’t want to ask before, but I’ve been wondering how it works.” 

“No,” she said hoarsely. 

She closed her eyes tightly and saw Edward’s blood pooling across the floor. Noah swallowed hard and ducked her head, trying to drive the image from her mind. She felt lightheaded and disoriented. When she opened her eyes again she was almost surprised to find herself still standing in the middle of the snowy countryside instead of inside the factory. 

Ed had finally stopped long enough to let them catch up. The factory wasn’t much further. The brothers walked together the rest of the way, talking quietly to each other. 

Noah trailed behind them at a slower pace, shaken and trying to process what she had seen. She didn’t see glimpses of what might occur very often, but when it happened she was always left feeling drained for a while afterwards. 

Seeing part of someone’s future, or at least a potential future, was different than when she touched someone and received visions of their past. Those were clear, like looking at a photograph, while seeing brief flashes of what might happen was almost like watching a single instant through a thick curtain. She rarely understood the dreamlike flashes until they were actually happening, but if events played out the way she had seen; it would soon be too late. 

Al and Ed waited for her at the edge of Househaffer’s property. “Are you coming, Noah?” Al’s voice carried on the wind well enough that Noah could hear him clearly even though she lagged several paces behind. Ed didn’t say anything, but Noah felt his shrewd golden eyes watching her. 

She nodded, not quite trusting her voice yet. 

There had been times in her life when she thought having this ability would drive her mad. But over time, she had come to rely on it. It was as simple as breathing air to her now, and the hazy images that didn’t make sense at first always became clear soon enough. 

One thing she did understand from the brief glimpse she’d had of Alphonse’s future. It was possible to close the Gate. Both of the brothers had been researching it for weeks, and so far their efforts had been futile. She knew Alphonse wanted to use the Gateway to return to that other world, to their home, and that it was causing tension between the brothers. 

If it was destroyed somehow, they couldn’t leave her here alone. If she spoke up about what she had seen they might try to leave, and if she didn’t they might try to find a way to go anyway. One or both of the boys might be hurt, or worse, in the process. She felt sick at the thought. 

The flashes of possible futures didn’t always happen exactly the way she saw them. There was that. 

“You look pale,” Ed told her as she approached them. 

“Just cold,” Noah said, somehow managing a weak smile. It felt wrong on her face. 

Noah didn’t miss the considering look that passed between the brothers at her lie. Sometimes they almost seemed to communicate entire conversations with each other without saying a word. She suspected it was somewhat unintentional. They understood each other so well that it didn’t always occur to them to explain things to an outsider. 

 _You are an outsider_ , her mind whispered.  _You always will be and you know it_. 

She did know it. She’d never be anything else, no matter how hard she tried. 

The image of Ed being shot flickered again in her mind. Edward, who was so vibrant and beautiful, and stronger than anyone she’d ever known. 

Edward, who had already left her behind once before. 

She couldn’t trust anyone. Not even the Elrics, with all their good intentions, not fully. But she had always trusted in her ability. Noah gave the brothers a hesitant smile. When they started walking again, she quickened her pace to catch up. 

It was better not to say anything about her vision.

Some paths should not be altered.


End file.
